The Art of Letting Go
by iluvnsplushj
Summary: NathanHaley. Sequel to Holding on to Letting Go. After finally letting go of the past, a new problem arises. Will Haley's insecurities make her lose what's taken her so long to get back?
1. Prologue

Hello to all who've been reading this series. So sorry I didn't post sooner. Complications arose... I won't go into detail. Anyway, here is the first part. I know it's very short, but they do get longer. Just a little beginning piece. Enjoy.

Prologue:

_Did you see the sky  
I think it means that we've been lost  
Maybe one less time is all we need_

"No! I won't take you to see him!" Nathan yelled, turning away from Haley, arms crossed over his chest in exasperation.

"Baby, come on," Haley pleaded, reaching out to touch his arm. He flinched away from her. Her hands rose to her temples. They'd had this fight every day for a couple of weeks now and it was really starting to wear them thin. "Nathan," Haley tried again."I know what you think is going to happen and it won't. I promise you won't lose me. But I just, I have to say goodbye to him. I have to know it's really over. Can't you understand that?"

"No, no I really can't," he blew out. "I can't see why you have to go back there. To him. I hate that bastard. He ruined everything the last time."

A surge of pain shot through her head and her eyes closed at the sudden shock. "Nathan, Jack's really trying to change for the better. And I just, I need to see it myself to believe it, you know?"

Nathan sank onto the bed, sitting on the edge with head in his hands. Haley moved to sit next to him, rubbing his back, trying to calm him down. He didn't move to comfort her, but he didn't shake her off either. "I don't think I can do it, Haley. Not again," he mumbled. He spoke so soft, she could barely hear him. She wasn't even sure he had really wanted her to. But she had.

_I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots  
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that I've ever been_

Her voice cracked as she spoke and he could tell she was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I can do this without you, Nathan. I need your support. I need you there with me."

He lifted his head slowly and looked into her gorgeous brown eyes. They were filled with tears, shining with an indescribable sadness, raw pain that cut too deep. And it broke his heart.

She gazed into his cerulean eyes and knew he didn't think he could manage to take her. She didn't know if he could either. But she knew he would eventually agree. Because he loved her too much not to.

_Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down  
Anyplace but those I know by heart  
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down  
I'll follow you down, but not that far_

He took her in his arms and they lay back together. Her hands rested on his chest and her head lay on his shoulder, their lower bodies tangled together comfortably. His arms held her tightly. "I don't know, Hales," his voice was low. He hated to see her in pain. "There's so much I wish I could do to that guy and if I take you down there… there's no telling what'll happen."

Her head was pressed against his arm, making her voice sound muffled. "I can't do it without you, Nathan. I never want to be apart from you again. But I need to do this. I have to. And I need you to come with me."

He placed a kiss on her hair. "Just give me some time to think about it, OK, Haley?"

She nodded and leaned up to kiss him gently. When she pulled away, he could still see the glimmer of tears in her eyes. Would it ever end?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_I know we're headed somewhere, I can see how far we've come  
But still I can't remember anything  
Let's not do the wrong thing and I'll swear it might be fun  
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone_

Four days later, Nathan was at work and Haley was at home, cleaning the house. She blew out air, trying to get the hair out of her face. Sighing in frustration, she grabbed the nearest clip and put her hair up in a loose, sloppy twist and slipped out of Nathan's old jersey. Walking into their room, she pulled on a tank top, picking up a few stray pieces of clothing off the floor on her way back to the laundry room.

Suddenly, the phone rang and she groaned, setting the basket of freshly laundered clothes on the couch. She glanced at the caller ID. Didn't recognize the number. Decided to let the machine get it. Returning to the laundry, she ignored the phone. Until the voice on the answering machine stopped her.

"Hey, Haley. It's Jack. Um, I know this is kind of weird and I probably shouldn't be calling you…"

Haley bit her lip, knowing she probably shouldn't answer. Nathan would be really pissed. She snatched up the phone and brought it up to her ear. "Hello?" she whispered.

"Haley, it's Jack."

"Yeah, I know," she whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" he asked, sounding amused.

"Because Nathan might come home any minute now and I don't want him to hear me talking to you."

"Oh." Jack cleared his throat. "Listen, I know this would be sort of awkward, but I was just wondering if.. um…… maybe you could come down to see me? You can bring Nathan with you if you want," he added quickly, unsure of himself.

She sighed. Closed her eyes. "I've actually been trying to convince him to take me to see you. I'm sorry, Jack. I don't think he'll agree."

_Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down  
Anyplace but those I know by heart  
Anywhere you go, I'll follow you down  
I'll follow you down, but not that far_

There was silence for a few seconds before he continued. "Well, that's… OK, I guess. It's just… well, if I'm gonna be honest, things really aren't looking good for me right now, Haley. The doctor's are saying the last ten years have put too much stress on my heart and it's… um, it's not functioning properly. I just… I really just want to say goodbye. And apologize to you in person. Before I, you know…" he coughed, "before I'm gone."

Haley's eyes closed involuntarily and she sucked in a breath. "It's really that bad?"

She could feel him hesitate and she knew he didn't want to make her worry. "Yeah… yeah it is. I tried to… to tell myself that it wasn't. I tried to convince myself that it would all be OK. But it's pretty bad, Haley. I'm not gonna lie. The doctors aren't holding out too much hope for me and I'm not either. Not anymore. It's not pretty."

She could feel the tears welling up, but she refused to cry. "I'll see what I can do." Her voice was full of emotion and Jack hated that he made her cry.

"It'll be OK, Haley," he soothed. "And thank you."

"You're welcome," she whispered, eyes opening slowly to find Nathan standing in front of her, angry expression distorting his features.

Jack cleared his throat. It was quickly fading. "Well, I have to go get some tests done, but I guess I'll talk to you later? Bye, Haley."

"Bye," she whispered, hanging up and tossing the phone back on its cradle.

Nathan's anger quickly dissipated as he saw the tears in her eyes. "Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, wrapping her in his arms, determined to protect her.

She took in a shaky breath. "Things aren't looking good for him, Nathan. He….he's not gonna make it."

_How you gonna ever find your place  
Running in an artificial pace  
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand  
So what the hell now we've already been forever damned_

Nathan's eyes closed. He couldn't believe this was happening. He wanted to do this for Haley. He honestly did. But he didn't think he could. There was no telling what he would do if he ever saw that bastard again. "I'm sorry I can't take you, Haley."

She breathed in deeply, her arms reaching out to hold him closer to her. "It's OK. I just, I really wish you could."

He kissed her forehead. "Me too. Me too, baby."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few days later, they were laying together on the couch, watching a basketball game. Haley turned to face Nathan and he gave her a sweet kiss. She smiled. "I love you, Nathan."

He laid his forehead on hers. "I love you too."

They kissed again, this time for longer. When they finally pulled apart, both were out of breath. Nathan's eyes were closed and Haley smiled again, kissing his forehead.

"Haley?" he said softly.

"Mmh?" she asked, kissing his cheek.

_Anywhere you go I'll follow you down  
Anyplace but those I know by heart  
Anywhere you go I'll follow you down  
I'll follow you down, but not that far_

"I'll take you to see Jack," he whispered.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" she asked.

He nodded, eyes still closed. She kissed him deeply. "Thank you, baby. Thank you. I love you so much." She kissed him again, not able to restrain herself.

He gave a small, sad smile. "So, it's finally over?" he asked.

She nodded. "I just have to say goodbye."

"OK," he breathed, opening his eyes to look at her. She was so beautiful. He just wanted to see her happy again. And if this is what it took, then so be it.

_I'll follow you down, but not that far_

00000000000000

So, where's all my faithful little readers? You know you want to review... ;)

I'll try to update more tonight. Oh, and lyrics were Follow You Down by Gin Blossoms. Just in case you were wondering.

P.S. For those of you who've just begun reading, this is actually the last story in a trilogy. There were two prequels. The first was Letting Go of Holding on and the second was Holding on to Letting Go. :)

Love you guys and please review. :)


	2. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews.

daddyzangel108: I know, so sad it's the last story. But it's time to wrap this baby up. Yes, you do review for every single chapter, which is why I absolutely adore you. :) And of course I don't want to kill you... hope you're not dead yet... lol.

JLsNaley (April): Yes, I've concluded that Jack has given some major blows to the naley relationship... I suppose I could kill him off... but would that really be any fun for me? lol. Guess you'll have to wait and see. Glad you're loving it and thank you so much, again, for being one of my most faithful readers. Love you always!

ticklemeElmo667: Thank for the review. I'm glad you're so happy about this sequel and that you enjoyed its prequel. I agree, Jack is the elephant in the room. But you have to wonder, how do you go about killing an elephant... a heart attack maybe? lol.

Thank you guys again and I hope you like this one...

Oh, just a little side author's note: This story probably won't be as long as the first two. I know exactly where I want to take it and it won't take very long. So sorry, but I'll make it good. :)

Chapter 1:

_Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you_

Jack was a lonely man. And he was finally ready to admit that he had been for some time now. The night he'd had the heart attack, he felt so dejected. The kind nurse had asked if there was anyone she could contact with the news and looked sympathetic when he couldn't seem to think of anyone. That was when it hit him, when he finally realized that he was completely alone. For the first time, he realized just how severe his isolation from everyone he'd ever met was. None of them cared enough to come see him.

It wasn't so much the sympathy he hated. It was the pity. So, he'd blurted the first person who came to mind. And it had been Haley. He knew he was in love with her. He also knew that she could never love him back. She already had that special someone in her life and he had no desire to screw up that relationship for her anymore. He only wished she could see how strongly he felt about her. But he'd already ruined her once. He couldn't afford to do it again.

_I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannot win_

He was always getting caught up in things that he couldn't seem to get out of. For instance, take his job trafficking drugs. He'd gotten in way too deep. He shuddered to think what they would've done to him if he hadn't collapsed. The heart attack struck him down the night he'd planned on quitting. Things like that just didn't sit right with him anymore. Not since he'd fallen for Haley.

_You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high_

All he would ever do was hurt her. And he knew that she knew that. Yet she was still willing to do everything she could to come say goodbye to him. So, what did that say about him? He didn't even want to face what he was.

He could call himself a jacka ss, a bastard, and any other crude words that came to mind, but none would be sufficient. And that hurt. Because he was so much worse. There weren't words to describe how horrible he'd been to Haley and to everyone else in his life. But mostly to Haley. He'd really messed her up. And the worst part was he hadn't even meant to. He'd only wanted to help. But he still had to pay for his mistake. Every damn day of his life.

_What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold to you_

Looking back on how he'd gotten where he was, he wasn't exactly proud of who he'd become. Not that he'd been that well off to begin with. Throughout his life, people had come and gone, but none had ever stuck around as long as Haley. Maybe that's why he felt himself so attracted to her. It was like he was inexplicably drawn to her.

She just had this light about her, this calm that made her so much more beautiful than everyone else. Joy radiated off her in golden waves and she always forgave. Haley was a good enough person that you knew she would always find a way to be OK. She would always be surrounded by people who loved her. And now that he was finally one of those people, it was being ripped from him and it was fading fast. He couldn't leave without saying goodbye to her. She was the only one who mattered anymore.

_And I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again_

He hadn't meant to fall in love with her. But he had. And the only thing he was guaranteed at the moment was that she would try to get the love of her own life to bring her to bid him farewell. He wished he had a shot at so much more. He knew he didn't deserve it.

_Cause now I can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high  
I never meant to be so cold_

By the time he'd realized how much she meant to him, she'd already seen him for who he was. Somehow, that f ucked up side of him always came through and it was the only thing anyone else could see. It obliterated everything else about him. It suffocated all the good parts.

_I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me_

He wished he had time to explain everything to her. He wished he had time to tell her everything, starting from the beginning. He wished she would understand and forgive him. That maybe they had time even to become friends someday. But he knew the end was near, he could feel it. He wasn't sure how much longer he could wait for her.

_I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known  
I guess for me there's just no hope_

Jack glanced at all the wires trailing from his wrists to all the monitors and machines. Looking at the heart monitor, it showed that his heartbeat was slow and irregular, very faint. The doctors gave him a choice. Soon, they would have to resort to Life Support. Did he want to go through with it? they asked. He pretended to think about it. But he already knew the answer. He didn't. And that's exactly what he told them. He just hoped he could hang on until Haley came.

_I never meant to be so cold_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was the day after Nathan agreed to take Haley and Haley was elated. Nathan, on the other hand, was sinking lower into a constantly sad and moody stance. He didn't know how much more his heart could take.

He'd finished packing an hour ago and was watching TV on the couch, flipping listlessly through channels as he waited for Haley to finish. He wondered what could be taking her so long. Clicking the TV off, he sighed and leaned back on the couch, eyes closing. He was exhausted. After deciding to comply with Haley's unfair, or at least in his opinion, request, he hadn't gotten much sleep. He hadn't really gotten any sleep at all.

He heard her light footsteps treading down the stairs and knew she would come to sit next to him in a matter of seconds. He tried to open his eyes, but found he couldn't. He was just too tired.

He expected to feel her small weight drop onto the couch beside him, but when he didn't, forced one eye open, then the other to find her standing before him. She looked worried. He hadn't meant to make her worry.

She sat heavily next to him and let her fingers trace light patterns over his forearm. It was relaxing and he felt his eyes starting to close again. Until she spoke. "Nathan, are you OK?"

He looked at her warily. "What do you mean?"

She spoke quietly, but firmly. "I mean, are you OK? Because you don't seem like it?"

He drew her to him, sighing as he laid a small kiss on the top of her head. "I'm fine, really."

She looked up at him, holding him with her small arms. "Are you sure? Lately, you just seem so... I don't know. Tired. Sad."

He looked away. "Oh, so you noticed." She was surprised at the undertone of bitterness she heard there.

She grabbed his chin, gently pulling it to her until her eyes met his. She felt an overwhelming sense of grief sweep over her at what she saw there. Yes, he was tired. But the sadness, it was worse even than her own on finding Jack was dying. "Nathan," her voice cracked. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, leaning his forehead against hers and closing his eyes so she couldn't see the pain there. She felt her heart break. If he wasn't willing to talk about this, it could only mean one thing. It was her fault. She'd done this to him. "Nathan, please talk to me. Is it about someone? Did I do something?"

He sighed. "Haley, let's just go," his voice shook as he said it.

She gasped, realization dawning. "It's Jack, isn't it?"

He looked away from her again. She hated when he did that. "Nathan, please. Just tell me what this is about."

He swallowed and looked at the floor, his grip on her loosening. "I just want to get this over with, Haley. That's all."

She knew what she had to do. It wasn't what she wanted, but she couldn't do this to him anymore. Her voice rang out with conviction. "We're not going."

His head shook vehemently. "Haley, no. We're going. You need to do this."

She forced him to look at her and the sorrow that remained only confirmed her decision. "Nathan, you can't do this. And I can't do this knowing what I'm putting you through."

He kissed her sweetly. "Haley, I'm not going to lie to you. I would love to stay here, but I'm going with you. I don't ever want to be away from you again. And this is important to you..."

She interrupted him. "Not as important as you, Nate. You mean the world to me. Don't you get that? And if keeping you happy means not going, then I will gladly give that up."

He laced his fingers through hers and smiled sadly. "But Haley, if you don't go, you'll never really be happy again. I'll get over this and it won't take me that long. But if you can't say goodbye... Haley, you'll never get that chance again. I can't, I won't take that away from you."

She took a deep breath. "Are you sure? Because I can't take it knowing you're this sad."

He nodded. "Haley, I promise, as long as I have you, I'll be fine."

She smiled. "I love you." Pressing his lips to hers, he swiftly pulled her into his lap and held her closer. A few minutes later, they still hadn't pulled apart and Nathan smiled against her lips as she moved to straddle him.

This was the way things should be. But the doorbell rang, interrupting them. Nathan pulled away, breathing erratic, and stared into her eyes. Haley didn't care about being polite anymore. Whoever was at the door could wait. "Just a minute!" she called, going back to his lips.

But he pulled away again. She looked at him, confused. "Cab's here," he whispered. She nodded, disappointed and reluctantly moved off of him. They both stood and Nathan grabbed their luggage, a suitcase in each hand as they walked side by side to the door.

Just a 20 minute drive to the airport and a short plane ride and they'd be back where he swore he'd never go again.

He watched as she slid into the backseat. Loading the suitcases into the trunk, he pulled it shut and walked around, sliding in after her. She immediately moved closer and settled against him, slipping her hand into his and kissing his cheek. He released her hand and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her so she rested snug against him. Dropping a kiss on her temple, his other hand reached out to grab the one he'd just let go of. She smiled up at him and gave him quick kiss.

The cab driver got into the seat in front of them and pulled away from the house. Nathan threw one last glance back at it. Their dream house. He just hoped they would be coming back soon.

0000000000000000

Leave me some reviews and I'll do my best to update more today.

P.S. I know this chapter was still a little short and that the first part mainly focused on Jack, but the situation needed to be recognized... now I'm all about the nale. :)


	3. Chapter 2

Hey guys! It's me back with chapter 2. Sorry to keep you waiting. It wasn't intentional. Thank you so much for the reviews.

Sophie: lol. Yeah, I used to post this on another board. Glad finally got to read the whole series. :) And seriously, I can't stress this enough. Thank you so much for always reviewing.

freefalling08: I know, I hate that this has to end. :( I had so much fun writing it for everyone. Everything good has an end though, right? Major problems... I don't know... well, maybe they won't be too major.

April: Don't worry, you didn't sound harsh! In fact, I totally agree with you. Now, whether it will actually happen... that is still to be decided. lol. It's good that you have faith in naley... and me. Finally, someone does! lol. Aw... thank you for the compliment. I'm glad you thought that paragraph was beautiful. And I'm definitely happy you love the story so much. Thank you!

Chapter 2:

Haley stared out the window of the plane. Everything had faded into darkness outside the airborne machine at least an hour ago, but she had long since lost interest in the 1960 film dubbed in French playing on the screen. Her gaze shifted to Nathan and she smiled at seeing him asleep. But as she took a closer look, her smile dimmed considerably. Even in his sleep, he couldn't relax. He was tense and looked terribly uncomfortable, though she knew he hadn't slept in days. Not to say she hadn't lost her fair share of rest, but Nathan was exhausted. He was always awake when she fell asleep in his arms and up and about long before she opened her eyes in the mornings. She didn't know when the last time he'd gotten more than 2 straight hours of sleep was.

Even as he slept, she could see the sorrow emanating from him, the lines of sadness and worry wrinkling his forehead. She reached over and gently rubbed them, as though she could smooth them away. Her tender touch woke him up and he stared at her sleepily. Sitting up and stretching, he asked groggily, "What time is it?"

"Sometime after midnight," she said softly, still watching him closely.

He turned to her. "Why are you still awake?" she could hear the tiredness creeping back into his voice and knew he'd be out again within the next few minutes.

She shrugged and, looking into her eyes, he could tell she was worried about him. Something inside him softened. He didn't want her to have to worry about him. She had enough problems as it was. He couldn't do this to her anymore. If it was killing him, he couldn't imagine what it was doing to her. "Come here," he whispered, reaching out for her.

She collapsed against him and sighed as she felt his arms come around her, holding her close. Relaxing against him, she felt the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest and knew he would be asleep in a few moment's time. She smiled up at him, but it was slightly bitter. "I love you, Nathan."

He looked into her eyes and saw the conflicting emotions there. She wanted to put everything she had into making him happy, but she had her own demons to deal with. Reaching up, he brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear, leaning down to kiss her softly. He closed his eyes as they pulled away. "I love you too."

Settling back down together, Nathan pulled Haley gently over into his seat. He didn't care who would have a problem with it. He just wanted to feel her close to him. He needed to know she wasn't going anywhere. She snuggled against him, a small, genuine smile lighting her face as he held her to him.

Maybe everything would be OK after all.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An unbelievably tired Nathan coupled with a still sleepy Haley staggered onto the streets of New York from the airport terminal, luggage in hand. Their free hands found each other, lacing tightly together as they stepped up to the curb. Smiling down at Haley, Nathan set his luggage down and hailed a cab, not willing to relinquish his hold on her hand. She smiled back at him and, for a moment, they were both happy. It was as though all the sorrow just melted away.

But reality struck as a cab pulled up abruptly to where they were waiting and all the warm feelings fled, leaving them both a little emptier. It scared Haley that their love wasn't enough to get them through times like these anymore. That people like Jack could do this to them; that he had the ability to put this kind of strain on their relationship. She was determined not to let it have any more of an effect than it already had.

She gave his hand a tug and he moved to stand closer next to her. They smiled at each other again and the happy feeling returned. This time, it didn't fade as they both got in the cab.

Nathan gave the name of their hotel, but the rest of the ride was spent in silence, both Nathan and Haley reflecting on what had been happening these past few weeks. They'd grown farther and farther apart. They hadn't wanted to and had tried to prevent it at first, but it seemed it was inevitable that the distance between them widen with each passing day. It was as though an invisible force was prying them apart.

But it wasn't. Not so much anyway. The invisible part. They knew what was pushing them away from each other; they just didn't want to admit it. It was the same thing that always did. Her past. They could only hope that with Jack's death would come closure. But they were running out of time. And they could both see that.

It would't be long before one of them snapped and did something they regretted. Neither were sure if they could handle it again.

Haley knew her past had always been a barrier. It wasn't fair. That three years of mistakes could take away the rest of her life. It was all in the past. So why couldn't they just leave it there? But it was a past that wouldn't let her choose and she knew that was how it would always be until Jack was gone. Much as she didn't want him to die, she knew he had to.

So, though she felt guilty about it, a part of her had been relieved when he called and told her he wouldn't make it through. Selfish though it may be, she didn't want him to ruin things between her and Nathan. She didn't want anything to. So, in a way, she was glad to be there for the end. It was her release.

She felt Nathan's presence next to her, but it still felt like there was so much separating them. As though able to read her mind, he took her in his arms and kissed her, pressing his lips gently against hers. She increased the pressure and felt him respond slowly. He was still tired. Disappointed, she pulled away, but he caught her lips with his again and suddenly, she didn't feel so exhausted anymore.

For the past few days, they'd both been walking around like empty shells, all their other emotions overwhelming their happiness at being together. But with that one kiss, it was almost like they both came alive again.

Haley felt her entire body tingling with something she hadn't felt in weeks as he deepened the kiss, trapping her body tightly against his. Her hands came around to rest on his back, slowly sliding down and reaching up his shirt to feel his taut back muscles as he pressed closer to her. He kissed his way down her neck, then back up to her lips as she let out a small moan. The cab driver looked back at them suspiciously, but it was dark and he couldn't see much.

The car jolted to a stop and Nathan jerked away from her. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and she noticed his breathing was heavy too. They just gazed at each other, feeling the warmth of the air between them. Nathan watched her with adoration shining in his eyes. He loved the way he could affect her. He leaned down, connecting their lips again, forgetting all about where they were. He wanted her now.  
A few minutes later, the cab driver knocked on the window, luggage already unloaded and waiting on the sidewalk next to him. They pulled apart slowly. She was panting, trying to catch her breath as they both fought to regain control.

Slowly, their breathing slowed and returned to normal. Nathan turned and opened the cab door, stepping out and pulling Haley with him. She stumbled slightly, but he held her steady and she regained her balance. They still stood just as close together.

Nathan picked up their bags and felt Haley loop her arm through his. And he wasn't so cold anymore. He smiled down at her as she took the money he'd given her and handed it to the cab driver, who sped off without another word. They rushed up to the immense glass entrance and stepped inside together, luggage and all. The young man at the front desk smiled as they approached. He could see how in love the happy couple was. Nathan smiled politely back at him. "Yeah, we have a reservation."

"Name?" asked the man, whose gold plated name tag read Michael.

"Should be under Scott," Nathan replied.

As Michael checked to confirm their reservation, Nathan looked down at Haley. She had the biggest smile on her face. "So, you made reservations?"

He grinned. "Uh huh."

She laughed out of pure joy. "Baby, you are too good to me." She leaned up to brush her lips against his and he was suddenly reminded of what they'd been doing in the cab. His arms caught her around the waist as he pulled her flush against him. She pulled away giggling. "Aw, I'd love to honey, but let's get to the room first."

He groaned softly and released her, but only slightly. "Fine."

The desk clerk returned, offering another practiced smile. "It's room 1411. Our bellboy will take your luggage."

They turned to find an even younger boy behind them, dressed in a crimson uniform, their bags already in hand. "Right this way," he flashed them a shy smile and walked toward the elevators.

Following behind him, Haley raised an impressed brow. "Wow, I could get used to this."

He just laughed and pulled her closer, making it more difficult for them to walk. But they somehow managed to sidle up just behind the bellboy. She giggled as he nuzzled her neck. The bellboy shifted uncomfortably. He hated this part of the job. Seeing all the happy couples. He knew they were wishing he wasn't there.

Nathan and Haley didn't even notice him as they stepped together into the elevator. The bellboy cleared his throat. "Excuse me, what floor?"

Haley smiled at him. "Fourteen."

He pressed the button and they all silently waited as they rose higher and higher above the ground. Glancing down, Haley saw all the people checking in below and smiled. This place was really nice. There was a soft ding as the elevator doors slid open noiselessly. The young bellboy walked briskly toward their room. They followed at a more leisurely pace, too wrapped up in each other to admire their surroundings.  
Whipping out his key, Nathan unlocked the door and he and Haley moved into the room. Haley looked around the room and whistled. He just smiled, watching her. The younger man brought their bags in. Nathan pulled out his wallet and tipped him generously. He and Haley let out a collective breath of relief as he whisked out the door.

In two quick strides, he was at her side and in one swift motion, he brought her up against him. "So, is this why you brought me here, Mr. Scott?" she teased.

He smiled, "Maybe."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Charming."

"I know, right?" his voice was soft as he moved closer, kissing her passionately.

They deepened it together as he blindly led them back to the bedroom. She pulled away and spoke breathlessly. "I've missed you."

He smiled down at her. "I missed you too, baby."

Their lips fused together again as he lifted her easily and tossed her onto the bed. He followed her down, landing softly on top of her. She giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. He looked down at her and smiled. She looked happy. And that was all he wanted to do. Make her happy.

He kissed her again. "I'll never let you go, Haley. I promise."

Tears came to her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Warm October nights  
You came and cuddled next to me baby_

Nathan and Haley lay in bed two hours later spent, but happy. They cuddled close to each other. She smiled at him and he smiled at her. "I love you," she whispered sweetly, reaching up to give him a soft kiss.

"I love you too." He wrapped his arms more tightly around her.

Nathan knew he and Haley would always be attracted physically; that was something they couldn't control. But they connected on a deeper level than that.

_Our noses brushed so close  
I wished it was our souls_

They knew everything about each other. They could both sense what the other was feeling, they could each feel the other's presence when they entered a room. Sometimes, it was eery just how connected they were.

Then, there were those other times where they seemed so distant. Sometimes, the only thing that kept them from leaving each other was their love. If nothing else, they would always love each other. Their relationship wasn't always perfect, but they never stopped loving.

Nathan watched Haley as she fell asleep. Even then, she was beautiful. He could hear her slow, even breaths. He knew she was the one. Since that fateful day at 13 years old when she told him her family was leaving, he had known she was the only one for him. To this day, it still amazed him that someone so incredible saw something in him.

_Drifting off to sleep  
I could hear the little snores you made  
Watching eyes shut tight  
Like doors to something sweeter where you rest_

He just wanted to stay here with her forever. Here, where they were safe. And happy. He smiled at the thought. He was happy too. Knowing that soon, everything that had distanced them would end and there would be nothing to keep them apart anymore.

_Tear me off a piece of blanket  
Keep me warm and we can make it  
Here's my heart, I'll let you break it  
Touched your skin and I can't take it_

He glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the morning. He knew he should get some rest; it was the first time in awhile he felt like he could.

He didn't want to sleep though. He just wanted to watch her sleep. He wanted to watch her dream.

_Light will creep in soon  
And I still haven't slept a wink baby  
I wish the sun would hide its head  
So I could watch you dream some more_

He reached a hand up and gently brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face. He kissed her smooth, creamy cheek and his hand latched back onto her waist. She shifted closer in his embrace in her sleep. He smiled and held her tighter. He gazed at her closed eyelids, wondering what she was dreaming about; wondering if it was him.

_Wish the sun would hide its head  
So I could watch you dream some more_

He thought about all they'd been through; about all the dreams he'd had for them. Nothing had turned out quite like he'd planned, but the important parts had. They were together for better or worse. He knew he couldn't let anyone take her from him again.

_I wanna watch you dream some more  
I wanna watch you dream some more_

He wondered what the others were doing now. If they were living out their dreams. He looked down at Haley and smiled. She was his dream.

_I wanna watch you dream some more  
I wanna watch you dream some more girl_

He loved to watch her. He watched her all the time. Sometimes discreetly, sometimes openly. She never seemed to mind. He had this theory that she actually liked the attention. Even as she slept, he couldn't take his eyes off her. She was still beautiful. After all she'd been through; all the years of regrets and bad decisions; none of it had detracted from her beauty.

_I wanna watch you dream some more  
I wanna watch you  
I wanna watch you dream some more_

He fought off sleep, refusing to close his eyes. He just wanted to watch her for awhile longer.

_I wanna watch you dream some more girl  
I wanna watch you dream some more  
I wanna watch you_

Finally, his eyes fluttered closed. They both slept with smiles on their faces.

_Tear me off a piece of blanket  
Keep me warm and we can make it  
Here's my heart, I'll let you break it  
Touched your skin  
_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was noon later that day and the smiling couple was still smiling, blissfully asleep. Haley slowly awoke to find herself in Nathan's arms. She looked over to see him smiling and gently kissed him on the forehead. She considered waking him up, but he'd lost so much sleep lately. She knew it was better to let him sleep as long as he could.

Carefully extracting herself from his embrace, she crept to the bathroom, closing the door behind her, so the running water wouldn't wake him up.

Thirty minutes later, she'd showered and dressed. Face freshly washed and teeth brushed, she stepped back into their room, checking to see that Nathan was still asleep. Grabbing a pen and business card out of her purse, she scrawled a note for Nathan on the back of it and left it resting atop her pillow. She didn't want him to think she'd left when he woke up.

Blowing him a kiss, she tiptoed out of the room and to the front door. Opening it softly, she slipped out and closed it behind her. Breathing in deeply, she went to the elevators and hummed under her breath as they carried her to the bottom floor.

Stepping into the lobby, she smiled brightly at the desk clerk and the bellboy from last night and went out through the glass front doors.

She set out in search of the nearest grocery store.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not five minutes later, Nathan awoke with a start and reaching out, realized Haley was no longer in bed with him. Opening his eyes, he looked around, panicked. He didn't hear the shower running or anyone moving around in the kitchen.

Bolting up in bed, he noticed the small square of paper on the pillow. Picking it up, he blinked a few times to clear his vision before reading what was written. It was Haley's loopy handwriting.

_Nathan,  
Don't be alarmed sweetheart. I just went to go get some coffee and things to make breakfast. I know it's a little late, but I don't feel like lunch yet. I'll be back in a little while.  
Love,  
Haley_

He breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed back against his pillow, laughing at his absurd conclusions. He'd immediately thought she left him. He cursed himself for not trusting her.

Padding into the bathroom, he took a shower and got cleaned up.

When he stepped out thirty minutes later, clothed and shaved, he heard singing coming from the kitchen. Smiling, he strode there quickly and stopped, leaning against the doorframe to watch Haley putter around, making breakfast, singing some song he didn't recognize. She'd always had a beautiful voice.

Making his way to her slowly, he wrapped her in his arms from behind and, pushing her long hair aside, kissed her neck. She sighed, relaxing back against him. "Making me breakfast?" he asked.

She turned and her arms settled around his middle. "Maybe."

He smiled and kissed her. She pushed up and moved her arms to his neck. Her tongue slid into his mouth, stroking his own. Lifting her up, he set her on the counter, stepping between her legs. She brought him closer.

He rubbed her back as his mouth massaged her own. They pulled apart breathlessly. "Morning," he whispered.

She kissed him again.

Nathan's eyes closed as his head rested on her shoulder. "So, when are we going to visit him? Do you wanna get it over with and go right after breakfast?"

Haley's smile faded. She used her small hands to lift his chin up so she could look into his eyes. "Nathan, let's just enjoy ourselves for the next day or two, OK?"

"But..."

She cut him off. "But nothing. Nathan, neither one of us are ready for this yet. Let's just have some fun for a few days and we can go when the time is right."

He nodded, smirking. "So, you wanna have some fun with me, huh?"

She laughed. "Whatever you need to believe."

He began tickling her. She giggled uncontrollably. "Nathan, stop! St-st-stooop!" she squealed.

Wiggling out of his grasp, she ran from him, laughing. Breakfast was forgotten as the two lovers had some fun.

* * *

Well, well, well, what will happen next? Will they stick to their plan and avoid it for a few days? 

Spoilers:

Jack gets worse...

...but will he die?

Review and just maybe, I'll update and tell you tonight.

**Actually, I have aPROPOSITION to make: anyone who can give me a reason why Jack should die AND a reason why he shouldn't, will get a sneak peek at another story I've started, but haven't posted yet... So, give me some reasons to help me with my choice and your email and I'll send you the first few parts. Sound fair:) Hope so.**


	4. Chapter 3

Hey! So, I fell asleep for awhile, but I'm awake and I decided to update once more tonight. :)

April: Thank you so much for leaving such a thoughtful review. Good reasons too. I can tell you're insightful. :) So, my turn to live up to our deal. When I'm done posting this, I'll send you the first few chapters of my still un-posted story. Oh, and thank you so much for quoting your favoriteparts. It showed me you really liked the chapter. Glad I could write a chapter you could love. You're so sweet for always reviewing.

lovelol: Hey! I'm glad you love my stories. Thanks for giving two good reasons. You really helped. I'm glad you think I'll do the right thing. Someone trusts me. :) lol. I'll email you my story in about ten minutes. I hope you enjoy it and it made me so happy you reviewed. :)

Chapter 3:

It wasn't until 4:30 that afternoon that the call came.

Haley and Nathan had stayed in their hotel room all day long, trying to compensate for all the time together they'd lost in the past few weeks. They were laying in bed, reveling in their after sex glow. Haley smiled and kissed Nathan's bare chest as he lovingly stroked her hair. He gently kissed the top of her head. "Today was great, Hales" he whispered huskily in her ear.

She smirked up at him. "Yeah, it kinda was, wasn't it?"

He nodded and bent his head to kiss her. She shifted to face him better and deepened the kiss, sliding her hands down his chest and stomach. He groaned, trailing kisses down her neck and across her collarbone.

And suddenly, the phone rang. He jerked away from her, breathing heavily. "Damn it! Why are we always being interrupted?"

She smiled inwardly at the look of frustration in his eyes. She pouted, pretending to be more upset then she was. "I'm sorry, baby. This shouldn't take long."

Without losing contact with Nathan, she reached over and grabbed the phone, bringing it to her ear, giggling as he tickled her sides. "Hello?"

Her face lost all its color. His hands stopped their path. He recognized that look. Something had gone horribly wrong with the Jack situation. It was the same look she got in her eye whenever calls came informing her of his condition.

"Thank you," she whispered numbly, hanging up the phone. She sat up and Nathan sat with her. He took her in his arms.

"This isn't real," she spoke softly, almost afraid to speak too loudly. Afraid it would make it true.

"What's wrong?" Nathan asked gently, rubbing a soothing hand over her back.

Haley looked at him, tears filling her eyes. "He's dying, Nathan. He won't last for more than an hour."

He sat, stunned. He couldn't believe this was happening. He looked down at Haley, her body shaking with silent sobs, and he knew what he had to do. He took her hand and pulled them both up from the bed. "Come on."

She looked into his eyes. "Where?" she asked simply.

He looked away from her. "I'm taking you to see him... so you can say goodbye."

She faltered. "I... don't know if I can, Nathan."

He looked into her eyes and she saw the struggle there. She knew what it must have taken for him to make this offer and she was so grateful. But she needed more time to prepare. She'd thought she could have a few more days to think of what she would say to him, how she would react. And now, it was time for her to let go. She'd spent years hoping for this day to come. And now that it was here, she wasn't sure how to deal with it.  
Was it supposed to feel this bad? Was she supposed to be crying? Was she supposed to be sad?

His voice was gruff as he answered her. His mind was made up. He wouldn't let her back out of this. He knew this was what she needed. Even if she wouldn't admit it. "You have to."

"But..." she tried.

He held up his hand to stop her next words. "You know you do, Haley."

She nodded. He was right. She wished he wasn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took them 25 minutes to get dressed and get to the hospital via cab. They rushed in through the front entrance and took the elevator to the third floor. Haley sprinted down the hall, Nathan on her heels. She'd memorized his room number.

She slowed as she neared it and finally stopped in front of the closed door, a small 307 painted on it. She hesitated and Nathan enveloped her hand in his, squeezing it for support. Reaching out, she knocked softly. After a few seconds, the door swung open to reveal a nurse in her mid thirties. She appraised Haley with a shrewd, suspicious look. "Who are you?"

Haley swallowed, then cleared her throat. She spoke in a hushed voice. "I'm Haley James."

The nurse's expression softened. "Oh, honey, he's been asking for you. Come on in."

Haley exhaled slowly and started to enter the room. Nathan dropped her hand reluctantly. She looked back at him. "What's wrong?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You go ahead. I don't... I... well, I don't think I can do this."

Haley nodded. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she held them back. She gave him a watery smile. "I understand. This won't take long."

And then, she disappeared through the door and the nurse shut it quickly behind her. Nathan let out a quivering breath. It was too much. Him being near Jack. All he wanted was to go in that room and rip him to shreds. Jack had ruined the life he built for him and Haley once. And after that, Nathan swore he would never let it happen again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Inside the hospital room, everything was stark white. The lights were extremely dim. Haley had to blink a few times so her eyes would adjust. When they did, the first thing she noticed was the bed on the opposite wall. She took her time getting to it.

Jack lay on it, looking small and frail. Seeing all the tubes leading from him to various machines, she felt the tears threatening to spill again. As she heard the faint beeping of the heart monitor, she allowed a few to fall. Swiping at them with her hand, she sat in the chair pulled up next to him. She assumed it was where the nurse sat when he needed her assistance.

He was barely awake. She tried to muster a smile for him. "You always did go out in style," she tried to joke, but the laughter died before it ever left her.

He gave her a weak smile. "Haley," he breathed.

"I'm here," she sobbed.

He reached out and grasped her hand loosely. It was the best he could manage. "I know I've hurt a lot of people."

She shook her head. "Jack..."

He cut her off. "Let me finish," his voice was getting raspy. "And you're at the top of that list. I wish I hadn't hurt you as much as I did, Haley, but it's something I can't take back. I'm so happy you gave me a second chance though. After everything that's happened to me, you don't know how much that meant." His voice gave out then and he cleared it a few times, waiting until it came back. "I love you, Haley. I've known that for awhile now. I just wanted you to know."

Her voice caught. She took a moment to compose herself. "I wish you had more time, Jack. I know it sounds crazy, but I already feel lost and you're not even gone yet."

"Shh, Haley," he tried to comfort her. She could see the tears streaking down his face. "You're going to do great. I know you will. You were always meant for a better life than I could give you. I always knew you'd make it. You've been the strong one for some time now."

She cried freely. "It's not fair. Why is this happening?"

He stroked her hand with his thumb, his voice fading again. "You were always the best one out of all of us, Haley. You were the only one who overcame it. And I'm so proud of you."

His eyes were starting to close and his thumb ceased its motion on her hand. "Jack!" she cried, alarmed. "Please don't leave me yet. Please." Her sobs increased in volume.

He gave a small smile as his eyes shut completely. "I'll watch over you, Haley. I promise."

"Jack!" she screamed.

His smile vanished slowly. "I'll be seeing you, Hales," he whispered.

His breathing slowed to a stop and the heart monitor suddenly flat-lined. The nurse didn't bother attempting to revive him. She slipped quietly out the door, leaving Haley alone. No doctors rushed in to try and save Jack. They all knew it was hopeless.

Haley collapsed against him on the bed. "Why!" she whispered. "Why did you have to leave?"

She cried for the longest time. She'd thought Jack's death would make her happy, but she was scared of who she was without him. He'd been a big part of her life for so long now. He'd controlled her for so long. She didn't know how to make it on her own.

She calmed herself down and wiped away the tears. Only a few more fell. She could do this. She would have to learn to be strong without him. She'd done it before. What was stopping her now?

This was her second chance. She could do whatever she wanted with her life and he wouldn't be there to stop her. He'd finally set her free. And she knew, somewhere in heaven, he was smiling down on her now. He had faith in her abilities. She needed to make him proud. After all he'd taught her about life and other people, it was the least she could do. He'd made her stronger, taught her she could do almost anything. "Thank you," she whispered, kissing his by now cold cheek.

She cracked open the door, allowing the bright lights outside the room in. She opened the door wider and squared her shoulders, stepping outside and allowing it to close gently behind her with a soft clicking sound. She set off toward the waiting room, toward Nathan and all their new possibilities.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He wasn't there. Nathan wasn't in the waiting room. Haley got the feeling something wasn't right. She told herself he was probably just in the bathroom, but something told her he wasn't. He was gone.

She walked up to the nurse's station and cleared her throat. The kind, young woman smiled up at her, smacking her gum. "What can I do for ya, hun?"

Haley smiled back at her. "Um, did you see a tall, dark haired guy waiting in here?..." she trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

The woman smiled. "Well, sure. Kind of hard to miss a hot guy like that. He seemed kind of upset about something though. He left about 10 minutes ago."

Haley's breath caught in her throat. "Left? As in going to the bathroom or... leaving?"

The woman smiled sympathetically at her. "He left."

"Thanks," Haley whispered, walking slowly to the elevator. She got an instinctive feeling that Nathan wasn't OK. The doors slid open and she stepped inside, pressing the button for the ground level. She leaned her head against the wall as the elevator began to slide downward.

Of course he wasn't OK. She'd done this to him. She'd put him through too much and she knew that now. Forcing him to bring her here to see Jack was just the final straw. She saw how far she'd pushed him now. She knew it was too far.

She started to panic. What if he never came back? What if he finally decided it was too hard? Anyone else would've admitted defeat long ago. She was surprised he'd stuck around for as long as he had. So, why did it catch her off guard? Why did it hurt so damn much? She'd had her heart broken before, but never by someone she loved as deeply as she loved Nathan. She could hardly breathe through the pain as she stepped outside.

Wrapping her coat tighter around herself, she hailed a taxi. She didn't know where she was going, but she didn't want to go back to the hotel just yet.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

From across the street, Nathan hid in the shadows, watching her. He saw her slumping posture, thought he could even make out the tear streaks on her face. He knew he should go comfort her, but he was hurting too badly now.

Haley had put him through so much s hit these past few years. He sat down on a bench and really started thinking about his life.  
He'd loved Haley for a long time now. Ever since she moved away. He still thought of that day as their anniversary. It just seemed fitting. It had been almost ten years now and the only thing she'd given up for him was college, which she wasn't entirely interested in to begin with. He'd given up so much for her, done so much for her. He didn't like to think of it as her owing him anything, but in a sense, she did.

It felt like sometimes, he was the only one putting any effort into their relationship. Sure, she loved him, but she was always so scared. And, though it shouldn't have, it made him angry sometimes. She always expected him to fix everything. She wanted him to make everything better. And he would've given the world to her if he could, but he needed her to give something back. He needed to be reassured once in awhile.

Sometimes, he wondered what his life would've been like if he'd never developed feelings for Haley. It would've been a hell of a lot less painful. He might not have gotten his heart broken. He wouldn't have spent so many years pining after her.

He could've settled down and never had to spend years wondering where she was, what she was doing, if she was even still alive. He left the lights on every night those three years she was gone. He'd known it was foolish, but he couldn't stop hoping she'd come back for him. He'd always hoped maybe she was looking for him just as he'd been looking for her. It had been a long shot, he'd known that at the time, but he hadn't been willing to give up on her as easily as everyone else had. The last thing she'd needed was another person giving up on her.

So, maybe his life would've been different if he'd never fallen in love with her, maybe it would've been better. But he doubted it.

To be in love with her and know she was in love with him. To hold her in his arms every day and make love to her every night, for no matter how short a time, made him the happiest he'd ever known he could be. Her love was the only thing that had ever completed him.

And he knew, just as he'd always known, he couldn't lose her. No matter what. But he was. She was slowly drifting away from him. He tried to keep them together, but something always held her back. And he had a good idea of what it was.

She was scared of the future. She wasn't sure where their relationship was going. She didn't know if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He did and he knew he needed to tell her.

He pulled the small, black velvet box from his pocket and opened it. The light from the street lamp glittered off the diamond inside. It was an engagement ring. He'd carried it with him since before she left him almost four years ago. He'd never been able to bring himself to part with it. Now, he was glad he hadn't.

He knew it was the only thing that would keep them together. He had to show her they would stay together for the rest of their lives. He knew it wasn't the best timing, but he was afraid he'd lose his courage if he waited any longer.

He was going to propose. And he was going to do it tonight.

* * *

I know most of you were ready to kill me when I interrupted the Naley with news about Jack, but I also know that most of you were crossing your fingers that he would die. So, I hope this chapter makes you somewhat happy. This is probably my last review for the night, but who knows? I might be tempted to once more by a good review or two. ;)

Spoilers:

visit from an old college friend...

...mystery friend and Haley talk...

...Haley's having doubts...

...but will Nathan propose?...


	5. Chapter 4

Alright, are you guys ready for this next chapter? Sorry I didn't post earlier. I had church to go to and had to get my ears repierced... long story. Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed. :) You guys really are awesome.

ticklemeElmo667: I know, too much suspense isn't good for one person. lol. Thanks for the review!... as for Nathan's proposal, well keep reading... ;)

April: Somehow, I knew you'd be happy if Jack died... How did I know? you ask. Just a hunch... lol. Yeah, I know, it sucks that it has to hurt Nathan and Haley. But hey, he's gonna propose, right? ;) Nathan leaving the light on for her... yeah, I kind of thought that was sweet too. And thanks, once again, for quoting one of your favorite lines. :) Glad you got my email. I hope you like the parts I sent you when you do read them.

Medine: Hey! A new reader. I love those. lol. I'm so glad you're loving the story and yes, I know, what would this story be without the naley? Thank you so much for reviewing. :)

daddyzangel108: Once again, it amazes me that you would take the time to write a review for each chapter you missed. I will always love you for it. :) I'm glad you thought the naley was cute. I know, it's sad we're nearing the end of this story, but at least you enjoyed it, right? Love ya!

Thank you so much again to all of you!

And for those of you who missed out on the proposition and didn't get the chance for a preview at my new story, don't worry... I have plenty more stories that you can have previews of...and I'm sure something else can be arranged...maybe I'll think of a new proposition. Or maybe, one day, I'll just surprise someone who leaves a really good review...

Anyway, on with the story...

Chapter 4:

Haley was running out of time and she knew it. She was running out of time to fix things and she didn't know if she would be able to do it. Didn't even know if it mattered anymore. She had to stop being selfish. She was forcing Nathan to be with her. Did he really want to spend the rest of his life having her make him unhappy? She had to get an answer from him.

She looked around her at all the people dancing carelessly. They didn't have the problems she had. But she knew from experience, they had their own problems. No one had a perfect life. She certainly never had. Her gaze landed on the drink in front of her. She'd ordered it twenty minutes ago and still had yet to take a sip. Somehow, she knew drinking wouldn't solve her problems. Not this time. But she couldn't bring herself to leave yet. Turning, she saw a guy in his mid twenties checking her out from across the room. He nodded and smirked at her. She turned away, disgusted.

No wonder people thought she was a w hore. She used to sleep with random men, she cheated on her boyfriend with his best friend, she had come to this bar. She really needed to start changing her image.

But that wasn't what she should be thinking about right now. She needed to find Nathan. Before she was too late.

So, she hurried outside and waited for a cab. The door of the club opened behind her. She ignored it. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see the leering face of the guy who'd nodded at her earlier. "Hey..." he started. But he didn't get time to finish.

A small hand slapped him. "Don't ever come up and try to hit on my friend again, you bastard!" The guy walked off, mumbling.

Haley turned to her rescuer. "Andrea! What are you doing here?" The two hugged.

Andrea smiled at her excitedly. "Hey! I've been trying to find you. I moved here about a month ago."

Haley grinned. "That's great. Wait... how did you know I was here?"

Andrea rolled her eyes. "Duh, I called Tim to find out where you went. He didn't know what the hell happened to you, so he gave me Brooke's number. She gave me Nathan's. He didn't tell you I called?"

Haley looked at her, confused. "No, he must've forgotten. Well, I can understand why."

Andrea gave her a quizzical look. "Ok, well, obviously, I need details, so let's go."

They linked arms and Andrea led them to her car, parked across the street. "Hop in and tell me where you're staying."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nathan stared out the window of the cab and the scenery flashing rapidly by. "Come on, come on," he muttered under his breath. Now that he'd decided to propose, he didn't want to lose his nerve. He needed to get to Haley. And fast. Before his courage dissolved.  
His cell phone rang and he glanced at the caller ID. His brow furrowed. Brooke. He hadn't talked to her in a while. Usually, she called to talk to Haley. "Hello?" he answered uncertainly. It's not that he didn't like Brooke. He loved her like a sister, but when she called him, it usually meant she had something up her sleeve.

"Hey, Nate. Where the hell is Haley!"

"Wow, Brooke, you get right to the point."

"Just answer the question."

He sighed. "I don't know, OK?"

"What do you mean, you don't know!" she shouted. "Look, I found out why you guys went to New York. Why did no one tell me Jack was in the hospital? Never mind, that's not important right now. Listen, I really need to talk to Haley. I have to know she's OK." Brooke sounded almost hysterical.

"Brooke, Jack died. I just came from the hospital."

Brooke gasped. "What! Oh, you better let me talk to her. She needs someone to tell her it's OK."

"You don't think I would have done that, Brooke?" Nathan shouted, angry that Brooke didn't think he could take care of her.

Her voice shrank. "Sorry, Nathan. I'm just worried about her. OK, tell me exactly what happened."

He lay his head against the cool, frosty glass of the window and closed his eyes. "Well, I was waiting in the waiting room for about thirty minutes and finally, I just couldn't take it anymore, so I walked outside and sat on a bench across from the hospital."

Brooke sighed. "Ok, then..."

He filled in the blanks for her. "Well, she came out a little while later and she looked so sad and lost, Brooke. It broke my heart. But I couldn't make myself get up and go to her. So, I watched her get in a cab and ride off."

There was silence for a few seconds. "Brooke?.."

"What the hell? Nathan Scott, do you mean to tell me you just let her walk away? OK, so you have every right to be upset, but you lost Haley!" she shrieked.

"Brooke, calm down. She was probably headed back to the hotel. I just... I wish I could make it better."

"What are you talking about? Of course you can make it better. Nathan, she loves you more than anything. Just be there for her."

He let out another sigh. "But that's just it. I don't think she's convinced that I really want to be with her anymore."

"And why the hell not!"

"It's not my fault!" he shot out defensively. "She's just feeling insecure."

"Well then, you have to prove it to her. I suppose you could always..."

"Brooke, chill. I have it under control. I've already planned something."

"Oh, I have to hear this. And what do you have planned?"

"Well..." Nathan hesitated. "I can't really tell you yet. I don't think I should tell anyone until I've... run it by her. It's kind of personal."

"What!" Brooke screamed.""What's so personal that you can't tell her best friend who is worried out of her mind?"

"I''ll give you hint," he muttered. "I have a very important question to ask her."

"Yeah, but what does that have to do with... Oh..." she trailed off. "Nathan!" she squealed. "Are you gonna ask..."

"Night, Brooke."

"But..." He hung up and chuckled to himself. Brooke was nosy, but she meant well. She just wanted the best for him and Haley. He looked again out the window and they were pulling up at his hotel. He thanked the cab driver and paid him, sliding out of the cab and shutting the door behind him. He stood for a moment, looking up at the hotel, then took a deep breath and rushed inside.

When he got to the room, he pulled out his key and entered quickly, shutting the door behind him. "Haley?" he called. "Haley!"

He looked down at his cell and saw that he had a message he hadn't listened to yet. He punched in the code and held the phone to his ear. He heard Haley's soft voice. "Nathan? If you're at the hotel, please stay there. I'm on my way. We need to talk."

He sank down on the sofa. She was on her way. He almost smiled in relief. But her other words rang through his head... 'We need to talk...'

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They were on their way to the hotel and Haley had just filled Andrea in about her and Nathan moving in together and then about Jack's heart attack. She sighed. "So, that's why we came. So that I could say bye to him." Andrea grimaced. Haley raised a brow at her. "What? I know that look. What did I do wrong?"

Andrea glanced at her. "Well... don't you think that was kind of asking a lot? I mean, this is the guy that basically made you leave Nathan. I mean, he ruined the guy's life, then you ask him to bring you here because this Jack guy's dying? It's got to make him feel... I don't know... upset?"

Haley felt a tear roll down her cheek. "I know that now. I wish I hadn't done it. I just... ugh... I put him through so much, Andrea. You don't even know the half of it. I have taken him to hell and back. No... seriously, I have broken his heart way too many times. I think I've finally broken him."

Andrea gave her a stern look, then returned her eyes to the road. "Haley James, this is nothing you can't repair. That man loves you so much. You broke him, now go fix him."  
Haley gazed out the window. "If only it were that easy."

Andrea blew out a frustrated breath. "What's so hard to understand? Haley, I love you, honey, but you can be so difficult sometimes. Stop being so stubborn and just admit that all you have to do is apologize and he will be happy for the rest of his life. That boy is whipped."

Haley gave a bitter smile. "There's a problem with your theory." She took a deep, shaky breath. "I'm not so sure Nathan wants to be with me anymore. I mean, Andy (A/N; no, it's not a typo, it's her nickname lol), if you could've seen his face... I went too far this time, I think he's tired of trying to pick up the pieces only to have them fall apart again."

Andrea gave her a sympathetic look. "Haley, babe, I know you might think that, but you have to talk to him. I don't think that's true. I think that boy would do anything for you. I think he'd wait forever for you to realize it's time to stop...being afraid."

Haley looked at her strangely. "What are you saying I'm afraid of?"

"Think about it, Haley."

Back at the hotel, Nathan was starting to lose his grip. He needed Haley there right now. He needed to hold her in his arms and never let her go. He needed to propose and he needed her to say yes. He hoped it would be that simple.

Haley sat quietly in the car for the rest of the ride, thinking about what Andrea had said. She couldn't make any sense of it. What did everyone seem to think she was so scared of? It couldn't be her past... she'd learned to let that go.

Nathan paced anxiously. She'd said she was on her way. What was taking so long?

Andrea pulled up in front of the hotel and Haley unbuckled her seatbelt. Andrea leaned over to give her a hug. "Go get him, girl. And remember what I said."

Haley gave a sad smile. "Even if I don't understand it?"

"Hey!" Andrea protested. "You will! And cheer up. You're young, you're gorgeous, and you've got a guy who's head over heels in love with you. What else do you need?"

Haley grinned. "Thanks, Andy." She hopped out of the car and watched as Andrea sped off, waving all the way.

This was it. She had to tell Nathan about her doubts...

Up in the hotel room, Nathan was frantic with worry. He couldn't sit still for more than a few seconds. He was antsy and anxious and just wanted Haley to come home. He paced endlessly around the small den and when there was finally a knock on the door, he paused, not sure if he'd actually heard it. He thought he might be hallucinating.

But the knock came again and he rushed to the door, not bothering to see who it was before throwing it open. It was Haley. She stepped inside and shut the door behind her. When she turned, Nathan was still standing just in front of her. They stared at each other for a few seconds before he reached out and brought her into his arms. He held her tightly as she sobbed against his chest. He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her hair soothingly. "Shh, it's OK. I promise, it'll be OK."

She clung to him as though her life depended on it and he looked into her eyes. He saw the fear there. "Hey...hey, what's wrong?"

She looked away. "I just... I didn't know where you were."

He leaned down and kissed her, trying to comfort her. She kissed him back, but only briefly, then pulled away. She went and sat on the couch. "Nathan, I need to talk to you."

He took his time getting to the couch and sat next to her. Uncertainly, he took her hand. She squeezed it, trying to think of the right words. "Nathan... I know I haven't been good to you." He began to protest, but she stopped him. "I know I haven't been good to you and that kills me. I've made you do so much... I've put...put you through so much and you will never know how sorry I am. And the thing is, I can't keep making you unhappy."

He crushed her to him. "Haley, baby, you could never make me unhappy."

Tears filled her eyes again. "But I am. I shattered your trust in me. You've always been there for me and all I ever do is run away. Why would you want to be with me after that?"

"Haley, I will always want to be with you. I love you."

"And I love you. But it's not fair to you for me to always do this to you. I always break your heart and then come running back. Doesn't it bother you?"

He looked away. "I'm not going to lie to you. Of course it hurts. But it doesn't mean I don't want to be with you." He looked back into her eyes and his voice took on a pleading note. "Haley, I can't live without you."

She burst into tears again. "Nathan, I need some time to think. I don't want to keep hurting you."

"Then don't do this, Haley," he begged. "Why can't we just be together?"

She kissed his cheek softly. "Because I have to figure out how to be good enough for you."

And then, she was standing and rushing out of the room. She ran to the elevator just as someone else was stepping off. She hurried in. Nathan ran after her. "Haley, wait!" He sprinted toward the closing doors. She looked at him.

'I'm sorry,' she mouthed.

"Haley!" he shouted. The doors closed and the elevator moved downward. "You are good enough for me," he whispered.  
He stood frozen for a few moments, then pressed the down button. It took a few seconds, but the other elevator dinged open and he ran inside, punching down on the lobby button. It seemed to take forever for it to reach the ground floor. When it did, he ran through the lobby and out the front doors. Just in time to see her getting in a cab. He punched the wall of the hotel. "Damn it!" he screamed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haley took a cab to Andrea's new address, which she'd gotten on the way to the hotel. She cried the whole way over. The driver kept giving her these concerned looks, but she refused to talk. When she got there, it took her five full minutes to work up the nerve to ring the bell. When she did, Andrea answered the door and immediately pulled her into a hug.

Ten minutes later, they were seated on the couch with mugs of hot chocolate and Haley had told Andrea the whole story. "Why did you just leave? I mean forgive me for criticizing you here, but it sounds like he had something to say. And it probably would've made you feel better."

Haley groaned in frustration. "But that's just it. He's always trying to make me feel better. And he shouldn't have to. It's probably gotten to be so automatic that he doesn't even think about what he's saying. He just says it. And in that case, whatever he said could've potentially been a lie."

Andrea quirked an amused brow. "Ok, Hales, I think you're reading way too much into this. I think you were finally going to get your answer as to whether he still wanted to be with you and you got scared. So, you bolted."

Haley squinted her eyes. "Is that what I'm supposedly so afraid of?"

"Well, partly, yes. But you're not seeing the big picture here."

Before Haley could question Andrea, her cell phone rang. She picked it up and checked the caller ID. "It's Nathan."

"Well, answer it."

Haley looked uncomfortable. "Actually, do you mind if I just go get some sleep? I can deal with all this tomorrow." Andrea looked at her skeptically. "Andyyy... come on."

Andrea rolled her eyes. "Fine, go. We'll talk more in the morning."

Haley hugged her. "Thank you."

It wasn't until twenty minutes later that her cell phone rang again. Andrea checked to make sure she was, in fact, asleep, then crept back out to the kitchen. She grabbed Haley's cell phone off the kitchen counter. It was Nathan. "Hello?" she whispered into it.

"Haley?" he said, sounding confused.

"No, it's Andrea."

"Oh, hi. What are you doing answering Haley's phone?"  
She sighed. "Long story. I moved to New York a month ago, saw Haley tonight, gave her a ride back to the hotel, then she came here. Oh yeah, and I know everything."

He groaned. "Is she upset?"

"Um, duh."

"Right... can you tell me what exactly is upsetting her so much?"

"Ooh... I'd love to help you out, but I think that's something she has to do."

"OK, well do you know when she's coming back?"

"Can't say, but I have to ask you something. Can you make it better Nathan?"

He didn't answer for a few seconds. "I can sure as hell try."

Andrea blew out a breath. "OK then, let me tell you how to get here..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took Nathan all of ten minutes to get to Andrea's house and about two seconds to race to the door. He knocked and it immediately swung open. Andrea held up a finger to her mouth. "She's sleeping," she whispered.

"Right," he whispered back. Andrea grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, shutting the door against the cold.

"Make yourself at home," she whispered.

He and Andrea hung out for the next few hours, watching TV and playing cards. When Haley finally woke up, she walked into the den and was greeted with the sight of them laughing together. Andrea noticed her first and nudged Nathan, who instantaneously ceased laughing. He even stopped smiling. Andrea got up. "Well, I think I need some fresh air. Have fun you two. Oh, and no one leave until you straighten this out," she said, glaring pointedly at Haley, who offered her a weak smile.

She slipped out the front door and it was quiet for the next few minutes. Finally, Haley tentatively walked over and sat on the floor next to Nathan. She leaned back against the couch and sighed. "I'm sorry for walking out."

He looked at her. She looked so helpless. "It's OK, I just wish you would've let me say what I wanted to say."

She glanced away from him. "Which was..."

He turned her chin so she was looking into his eyes. "Haley, you already are good enough for me. You have always been good enough for me. Why do you think I love you so damn much? I can't help it. You're it for me."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Nathan, I'm not good enough for you. You deserve better than me. You deserve someone who can make you happy." He tried to stop her. She looked at him pointedly. "Always."

He turned so he was facing her. "But I can't be without you, Haley. You don't understand. You are the only person who can make me happy. Without you, I'm nothing. Please, you have to believe me." She shook her head, but he reached out to take her hand. "Haley, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't imagine living another day knowing I don't have you. It killed me the last time. So, I know it's not the best timing and I know I might be too late, but..." he stopped long enough to pull the box out of his pocket. Her free hand went to her mouth as tears filled her eyes. He opened the box with one hand and squeezed her hand with his other. "Haley James, will you marry me?"

* * *

Dun dun dun... I know, I'm terrible. Another cliffhanger. Guess you'll just have to leave some reviews to find out what she says...

Spoiler in one word:

DRAMA!

But don't worry, not too much of it, just enough to keep you reading...


	6. Chapter 5

Hey! So sorry about leaving you with a cliffhanger like that. I admit, it was awful of me. There's just some unexpected visitors in my house right now and they are slowly driving me insane. I love them really, they are just driving me to my breaking point. Twelve people in one tiny house is never good for one's mental health.

Anyway, so sorry about the lack of individual thank yous with this chapter. I'm just exhausted and have absolutely no time with them all wanting something from me. :( But big hugs to all of you for being so sweet.

Side note to April: So sorry I haven't checked out your fan art yet. I got called away from the computer just after reading your email and currently, my boyfriend is using my lap top while my bitch of a best friend (she's not really a bitch, just when I'm upset with her... lol) is on the only other computer in my house that will allow me to go to my email. I'm looking forward to seeing your artwork when I can though. And I'll give you my honest opinion. I'm sure I'll love it!

To others who have been emailing me: If I haven't emailed you back yet, I am terribly sorry. I just haven't gotten the chance. As soon as I'm able, I will.

Chapter 5:

She didn't say anything for a few minutes. "Haley?" he prompted gently.

A few tears rolled down her face. "Nathan, I don't know what to say."

He smiled anxiously. "Well, I was hoping you would say yes."

She looked at him sadly. "I would love to say yes. I would love it more than anything."

"So, just say it. Please, Haley. You know I'll never be happy if I'm not with you."

She shook her head. "I can't, Nathan. And I'm sorry. I just... it's too much to think about. I mean, I still have doubts and after all that's happened today... I don't know if I can."

He looked away from her. "Haley, don't do this again."

"Don't do what, Nathan!" she sobbed. "Because as far as I can see, this is the best thing for right now! I just need some time to think. And it doesn't mean no. It just means... I need to think."

He stood up quickly. "What's there to think about! I've given up everything for you! Why can't you marry me!"

She stood up and tried to grab his hand. He jerked it away from her. She winced. "I'm sorry, Nathan. Now's just not a good time..."

"Then when will it be a good time, huh? How long do I have to wait, Haley! Another 10 years! How long will it take? Because I've never given you any reason to doubt my love, yet somehow, you do. And it's starting to p iss me off."

"Oh, so I'm p issing you off now!" she screamed. "Well, I'm sorry if I need time to think about this. Nathan, Jack just died and you're gonna come ask me to marry you!"

Nathan looked at her and she knew she'd gone too far. "That shouldn't matter. We agreed he would never come between us again. I should've known that wasn't true. Haley, I've tried to be understanding about this, hell I f uckin made you say goodbye to him before he died because I knew that's what you needed. But I can't do this anymore. If you don't want to marry me, that's fine."

"But..."

"No! I think we both know that us being together has always been your choice. I've always loved you and you know that. Now, you have to decide if this is what you want. Either you want to be with me or it ends now. Because I can't keep playing this game, Haley. I can't keep being there for you and thinking everything's fine and having you suddenly decide to pack up and leave. I can't keep letting you walk away because it kills me every time."

Her voice shook. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying it's up to you now. Either you want to be with me forever or we're through."

Both stood there in complete shock. How had it come to this? Eight hours ago, they'd been perfectly fine. And happy. Now, they were on the verge of breaking up. For good this time. Haley looked down. "I'm sorry, Nathan. I can't give you an answer right now. I can't give you what you're looking for. And if that means that you can't be with me anymore, then maybe it's for the best. I don't want to keep breaking your heart. Because that's what I'm doing. A little at a time."

He couldn't believe this. She was basically telling him it was over. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let go. He wanted to tell her he didn't mean it and make things OK between them again. But he couldn't take back what he'd said. So, instead, he slowly turned and walked out the door. Waving halfheartedly at Andrea, he got in his car and backed out of her driveway. He was driving away from the one thing that made his life worth living.

Haley was the only person he'd ever shared everything with. She knew all about his dreams, all about the side of him he couldn't show everyone else. Around her, he always felt like he could be sweet and vulnerable. He never felt that comfortable around anyone else. Now, he had no one to share it with.

_I felt for sure last night  
At once we said goodbye  
No one else will know these lonely dreams  
No one else will know that part of me_

He knew, in a way, he was being selfish. He had known it wasn't good timing, had known he should've waited. He'd just been so damn tired of waiting for her to realize that she didn't have to always be careful around him. He wasn't going to hurt her. And now he had.

_I'm still driving away  
And I'm sorry every day  
I won't always love these selfish things  
I won't always live...  
Stop it..._

But in his heart, he knew he'd done the right thing. If she couldn't be with him forever, she couldn't be with him at all. He couldn't lose her again like that. And, though he didn't want to make this about him, it would've been unfair to him to continue loving her if she was going to end up leaving again.

No one else would ever know him like she had. He'd never be able to really give himself to anyone else again. She was the only one for him. And if she couldn't see that, then it was time to let her go.

_It was my turn to decide  
I knew this was our time  
No one else will have me like you do  
No one else will have me, only you_

Why couldn't she see what was right in front of her? She kept waiting for something to happen, for something to show her that this was OK. If everything he'd done for her couldn't, then what could?

_You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?_

The only thing he had left was the ending. He got to choose how it ended. He looked around him at all the flashing lights of New York, then at the cold, empty seat next to him. He was alone. Some ending this was.

_I'm here and now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the ending  
The one thing that stays mine_

He didn't want to spend his whole life wallowing in self pity. He didn't want to regret everything that happened.

People always said that you can't regret what happened in your life because it got you wherever you ended up. Well, if this was where he would end up, he didn't know how he could not want something different.

_Amazing still it seems  
I'll be 23  
I won't always love what I'll never have  
I won't always live in my regrets_

It still hadn't really sunk in that she turned him down yet. He was still waiting for it to hit. It seemed almost unreal. Like if he could just open his eyes, he'd find it had all been a dream. They'd still be 13 and Haley's parents would decide not to move.

_You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?  
I'm here and now I'm ready  
Holding on tight  
Don't give away the ending  
The one thing that stays mine_

He kept driving, trying to decide if it was real. This couldn't be happening. Not to him. Nathan Scott had a perfect life. It had to be someone else's life he was living. It had to be.

He considered turning back around, going back to her. It would make them both happy. But they couldn't keep doing this dance. Someday, it would break both of them.

_You'll sit alone forever  
If you wait for the right time  
What are you hoping for?  
I'm here and now I'm ready  
Holding on tight_

He reached the hotel and parked the car. It still didn't seem real.

He walked into the lobby and entered the elevator. It still felt like a dream.

He got to their room and used the key to unlock it. He stepped inside and was met with a dark, empty hotel room. Switching on the light, he reached in his pocket and pulled out the box. Opening it, he saw the ring. It was real.

Sinking on to the couch, he allowed the realization to hit. And he started to cry.

Don't give away the endThe one thing that stays mine...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Back at Andrea's house, Haley was stunned. He'd actually walked out on her. Now, she knew how he'd felt all those times. Leaning back against the sofa, she laid her head on her knees. Strangely, now that he was gone, she couldn't cry. It just seemed surreal.

All these years, she'd been the unsure one. She'd been the insecure one, always ready to run at the slightest sign of trouble.

She'd always been weary of the many things that could go wrong and she knew it had taken its toll on Nathan. She'd just never imagined he'd finally be mad enough to tell her. Hearing him say it only made her feel worse.

He'd asked her to marry him.

It was exactly what she'd always wanted. To marry Nathan Scott. And when he proposed, she guessed she'd been too shocked to say yes. But more than that, she still didn't know if it's what he wanted. How could he after everything she'd done to him? He'd said she was the only thing that would make him happy. How could that be true when all she ever did was hurt him?

Andrea quietly crept back through the front door and into the living room. Haley felt her sit down on the floor beside her. She lifted her head up and Andrea immediately saw the confusion. "What happened?"

Haley looked dazed. "I...I don't know. One minute, he was telling me I was enough for him and then, he...he proposed."

Andrea looked concerned. "Well, did you say no?"

"I said I needed time to think and he just blew up. He started telling me that he'd done so much for me and he didn't get why I couldn't marry him. Oh, Andy, he was so upset. Then, he said it was my decision. Either I wanted to be with him for the rest of our lives or we were over."

"So, what happened?"

"I told him I couldn't give him an answer, that I needed time to think. And then, he just left. It's really over. And I don't know what to do."

Andrea pulled her into a hug. "It'll be OK, Haley. You'll see. It'll all be OK."

Haley hugged her back. "But what if it's not? I just lost the most important thing in my life. And I can't get it back. I'm so stupid."

Andrea looked at her sternly. "Hey, you are not stupid. You've just had some bad things happen to you and it's clouded your vision. But maybe now... you can finally be that person you always talked about. You know, who you used to be, but thought you would never be again. You can leave this all behind and start over again."

Haley shook her head. "I don't think I can do that."

Andrea pouted sympathetically at her. "I'm sorry. Well, you know I'm always here. If you need someone to stay with or someone to vent to or hang out with. Or if you need a shoulder to cry on. It's OK to cry, you know."

Haley nodded, curling into a ball and laying her head on Andrea's lap.

And she finally realized. All this time, Nathan had been the one person she could rely on to always be there no matter what. And now, just like everyone else, he'd finally given up on her. And it hurt. It hurt so much she couldn't breathe. She looked at the coat Nathan had left lying on the floor next to her. And she cried.

* * *

So sorry for most likely upsetting a few people. grins sheepishly I swear, the devil made me do it!

No really, it was only for story purposes... I know, depressing chapter... leave me some reviews and I'll update soon...


	7. Chapter 6

Hey you guys! I am so unbelievably sorry for not updating. I'm so terrible; I don't even know what went wrong. I won't try explaining or offering excuses. They're probably all nul and void by now. But for those of you who still want to read this, I've decided I'll finish it and I'll update at least once a day. You don't have to review if you don't want to; I know I don't deserve it (though I'm not discouraging them - what writer doesn't love some feedback?). Thank you to everyone who replied to the 5th chapter:

**daddyzangel108: **Thanks so much for the review. Guess you were in shock. lol. It's good to know you have faith in me know though. You know me... I just can't keep them apart. :) And again, I do apologize for the whole Haley not saying yes thing. I know no one likes to see a heartbroken Nathan, but I guess that's just life, right? lol. Love ya!

**JLsNaley: **I can always count on you to reply:) Yes, I know, such a sad chapter... but at least you feel smart, right? What with figuring out she couldn't say yes and everything. Maybe I didn't give you enough credit... lol. So sorry I couldn't have updated sooner. You know how I hate to keep you waiting. :( Love you!

**whazzupp8: **Thank you so so much. Your review was so sweet and inspiring! I'm so happy my story's one of the best you've ever read. Trust me, you have no idea how much that means to writers like myself. :) And I really am very sorry I couldn't have updated this sooner. I know you said you wanted me to finish it, so I may be too little too late, but I decided it's the least I could give you. Thanks for being such an awesome reader. :)

**ticklemeElmo667**: Thanks for leaving a reply. And I apologize for not updating for such a long time. I know I've been slacking. Forgive me:)

**nathanohsohotscott: **Loved your reply. And your username. So true. lol. Aw... that was sweet when you said you didn't have the words. Once again, I've left someone speechless. Damn, I'm good. lol. I'm glad you find Nathan's love for Haley adorable. Definitely what I was going for. :) Love ya!

**Haley Youmans: **Wow, that was a lot to read. I'm glad you did though. :) It's really amazing of you. And I'm so happy you liked all of them. Hope I don't disappoint with this one. And I'm sorry I took so long to update. You can kick my ass if you want. lol.

Chapter 6:

_Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me_

It had been an entire week and Haley had moved in with Andrea. She tried to pretend she was OK for Andrea's benefit, but truth be told, she was falling apart. She didn't know how to get by without him. She'd never known how to get by without him. Even when they'd been apart before, she'd been a wreck.

_I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong_

It was like, with Nathan, she was untouchable. It was like everything that could go right did. He made every little thing seem worth her while. Now, it was almost as though nothing was worth anything. She couldn't really explain it, but nothing felt right anymore.

_Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong_

And now, everything had changed. Sometimes, she had trouble breathing. She always had trouble sleeping. She didn't think she could do it anymore. But she had to. This was her fault and she needed to deal with the repercussions.

_Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

Haley was just sitting at the kitchen table, staring into a mug of coffee, thinking about what her life had become. She didn't like what she saw. And she didn't like who she'd become. It was like everything she touched got broken. And every time it did, she got broken too.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one_

She'd thought Nathan was the one. In fact, she'd known he was. She'd known he was for a long time. But there were only so many chances he could give her. And there were only so many chances she could take.

She refused to cry about it anymore though. She'd done enough of that over the past week and enough of it over the past 10 years. She could cry on the inside all she wanted, but she was through with drying tears. It was time she started owning up to her mistakes. Letting Nathan get away was her biggest mistake. It was perhaps the only one she couldn't fix.

_Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

Nathan knew everything about her. He was the first person she really opened up to. He was the first person she told about New York and Jack and everything that happened to her. And he took away the pain it caused her. At least for awhile he had.

_I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life_

Andrea came through the front door, shopping bags in hand and found Haley exactly where she'd left her three hours ago. Sitting at the kitchen table with a mug of coffee. She sighed and set all her bags down. She pulled up a chair next to Haley and sat down. "You know, that stuff's probably cold by now."

Haley looked up and offered an empty smile. "Yeah, I know. I never drank it."

_Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on_

"Talk to me, Hales."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. This isn't you when you're fine. I know your heart's broken, Haley, but there has to be something I can do."

_Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside_

Haley stood and took her mug to the sink, dumping it out and watching the brown liquid swirl down the drain. She leaned against the sink and looked out the window above it. The sky was overcast and gray, just like her life. "There's nothing," she heard herself saying. "You've already done so much. I just... need time. That's all. Time heals all wounds, right?" She tried to laugh. It came out sounding hollow.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one_

Andrea crossed the room to her and laid an arm on her shoulder. "No, honey. Unfortunately, time doesn't heal a broken heart. The only remedy for that is love." Haley remained silent.

_Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

When she didn't receive any response, Andrea drew a breath and continued. "Now, I could sugarcoat it, I could lie to you. But I'm your best friend and if anyone's going to tell you the truth right now, it should be me. You can't blame Nathan for this, Haley. Now, I'm not saying it was your fault, but it wasn't entirely his."

She nodded, holding back the tears. "I know. I know it's my fault." She looked at Andrea. "You know what the funny thing is though? I can be as mad as I want and it's still my fault. But even now, I could never hate him."

_Swallow me then spit me out  
For hating you, I blame myself  
Seeing you it kills me now  
No, I don't cry on the outside  
Anymore..._

Haley breathed deeply. "It hurts, Andrea. It hurts like hell. To not have him here with me, to know he's not a part of my life anymore."

Andrea pulled her closer. "Then maybe, you should try to get him back."

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one_

Haley shook her head. "He wouldn't take me back, not yet at least. And probably not ever."

Andrea hugged her. "I'm sorry, Hales. If I could do anything to make it better, you know I would."

"I know."

_Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes_

They just stood there for awhile, hugging. Haley drew as much comfort as she could from it, but she couldn't deny that she wished it were Nathan's arms around her now. She wanted him to tell her she would be OK. He was the only one who could ever make her believe it.

_Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one_

Andrea pulled back to look at her. "I've told you before, Haley. It's OK to cry. A girl needs to let it out sometimes."

Haley looked down, then back up. "It's OK. I think I'm all cried out."

_Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes..._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nathan knew he wasn't perfect. There was no such thing as perfect. He knew he'd made mistakes. But most of all, he knew he'd been afraid before. He'd been too scared to take chances when he should've. Just like Haley was scared now.

_I'll say it straight and plain  
I know I've made mistakes  
I've always been afraid  
I've always been afraid_

But he was through being patient with her. She'd chosen not to be with him. He just wished everything he'd given up along the way meant something now.

_A thousand nights or more  
I traveled East and North  
Please answer the door  
Can you tell me_

Haley had always taught him to believe that love could take him anywhere. That it could follow you anywhere and it could make everything else seem OK.

_You say that love goes anywhere  
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there_

So, why wasn't it enough now? He wished she could answer that for him. Why wasn't it enough to get them through this? It was taking all he had not to fall apart right now. And he wasn't so sure it was working. He wasn't the same old Nathan anymore. He didn't know how he could ever be again.

_When you go, I'll let you be  
But you're killing everything in me_

He wished she was here now. He wished that, after all the times he'd consoled her, she could do the same for him just this once.

_Get down on your knees  
Whisper what I need  
Something pretty  
Something pretty_

He knew that even when they were old, together or apart, she'd always be the one thing left for him that was beautiful. For as long as he'd known her, he'd always thought she'd embodied everything that was good in this world. That alone made her all kinds of beautiful.

_I feel that when I'm old  
I'll look at you and know  
The world was beautiful_

He was in the gym practicing. He'd thought it might take his mind off things. But this time, his love for the game couldn't take away the pain. She was the one who taught him it was OK to love something other than basketball. And now, she was ripping it away.

_Then you tell me  
You say that love goes anywhere  
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there_

She was slowly killing him, had been for years. But he was gonna fight like hell to make sure he was still alive.

_When you go, I'll let you be  
But you're killing everything in me_

He knocked down shot after shot, but it couldn't distract him from the truth. He'd lost Haley. He kept trying to let go of her, but it didn't seem to be working.

_I'm done, there's nothing left to show  
Try, but I can't let go  
Are you happy where you're standing still?  
Do you really want the sugar pill?_

He wanted to be able to say that tomorrow was a new day and that when it started over, he could too. But he didn't know how to without her.

_I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll start  
To another, it feels so hard_

He wished it were as easy as just leaving her behind. But he'd tried to do that before. And somehow, he just couldn't shake her. Was everything she'd told him a lie?

_As a train approaches, getting on  
As I'm sure your kiss remains employed  
Am I only dreaming?_

Haley made him believe in love. But ironically, she'd also broken his heart. She'd shown him how good it could be, but she'd also taken it away from him. And left him with less than what he started with.

_You say that love goes anywhere  
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there  
When you go, I'll let you be  
But you're killing everything in me_

It was almost like she was slowly sucking away his soul. She was killing him.

_When you go, I'll let you be  
But you're killing everything in me_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucas had come to stay with Andrea and Haley for a week. Brooke had work and he didn't want to leave her, but he'd heard about the break up and had known Haley would need someone who understood it all.

They were on the floor, playing cards. He looked across his hand at her. "How you holding up? And no more of your bulls hit excuses, Hales. I want to know how you're really doing."

She sighed and laid down her cards. "I'm not happy, Luke. But I can't complain. Because this is all my fault. I did this to us, I did it to him, and I did it to me. So, I have no right to bitch about it." Lucas just looked at her. "OK, I know that look. Just spit it out."

He sighed and moved to sit next to her. "You're right, Haley. It kinda was your fault. I understand that you needed some time, but I also understand why Nathan did what he did. It just all built up. I'm surprised he didn't explode before."

Haley put her head in her hands. "I know, I know. I just... I don't really understand how it got to this."

He draped an arm around her. "Because you were always so cautious, Hales. Always suspicious that someone would hurt you. So, you kept pushing him away. And he got fed up with waiting for you to take a chance."

She looked at him and he could see the sadness in her eyes. "I miss him so much, Luke."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Who? Nathan?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I don't know if I can do this without him."

"You don't have to."

"But I do. How can I fix this? There's no way he'll ever forgive me."

"I'm just saying, Hales. You never gave him a chance to prove himself before. Maybe it's time you did."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haley got out of the cab and stomped into the store. Grabbing a cart, she wheeled it down the aisles. She pulled out the list Andrea had made and walked down to the frozen section. As she picked up milk and butter, she couldn't help but notice the couple a few yards away. The guy was standing behind the girl with his arms around her and she was laughing, trying to get to a tub of ice cream.

Her and Nathan used to be that way. Walking up to the couple, she cleared her throat. "Excuse me," she whispered softly. They stepped to the side, barely noticing her. She reached in and grabbed a carton of Double Fudge Brownie, figuring she could use the extra chocolate. She and Andrea were planning their first official movie night with Luke. They needed a LOT of junk food, so they'd sent Haley to the grocery store. She needed to pick up some other things as well, but most of the list was pure carbs.

Making her way to the snacks aisle and tossing chips and popcorn into her cart, she noticed an old woman, looking to be about 70 hobbling along alone, pushing her own cart at turtle speed. Passing her, Haley looked into her eyes and saw nothing but a bitter and senile woman. She shuddered. That would be her in 45 years.

Grabbing several packages of twinkies, she decided to come back for the rest later and made her way to the canned food aisle. She picked out a few different kinds of soup and added some ravioli.

Haley walked down the aisle, scanning the different canned fruits. She sighed. She hated when Andrea made her go grocery shopping. Not watching where she was going, she bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry..." She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. "Nathan..."

000000000000000000000

Again, so very sorry to have kept you guys waiting for so long. You were so great to me and it was definitely uncalled for. I promise never to do it again or, as Dan would say, 'I promise never to sleep on the job again!' lol. OK, sorry, just me and my wacky sense of humor. Please ignore any weirdness on my part. I've been battling insomnia and I'm sure it shows. lol. But anyway, as I've said, I will be updating at least once a day in an effort to finish this before you all kill me :). And I may even update again tonight... depending on what happens...

L'amour toujours,

Ash ;)


	8. Chapter 7

So, I decided to keep my promise about updating at least once a day. Thank you to those who reviewed:

**NHforever23: **That was such a sweet review. I'm so happy you're really loving my story. Thank you for saying it was amazing. And lol, I know exactly what you mean about forgetting song names. You know you've heard it, but it just won't come to you. If you're referring to the songs in my most recent chapter, the first was Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson and the second was Polaris by Jimmy Eat World. :)

**whazzupp8: **Hey! So glad you're still reading this story. I love getting your replies! And so glad I could make your day. I know I kept you waiting long enough. :) I get what you're saying about cliffhangers. They can be good and bad at the same time. I know I always leave you guys hanging. What can I say? I'm a sucker for it. :) Yeah, I'll count on you to hold me to the updating every day thing. God knows I need someone to keep me in line. lol. Love ya!

Sorry for leaving you guys with a cliffhanger. I just love to do that, don't I? lol. Anyway, enjoy:

Chapter 7:

He looked down at her. She could see the struggle in his eyes.

She looked up at him and he could see the pain in her eyes. He wanted to say something. He wanted to make her feel better, wanted to p iss her off, wanted to show her he was doing fine without her. But mostly, he just wanted to know she still loved him.

She wanted to tell him she still loved him. She wanted to apologize and beg him for a second chance. She wanted to tell him they could make things work. But mostly, she just wanted to melt into his arms.

He couldn't do it though. He couldn't make himself say anything. So, he turned and walked away. She ran after him, pulling the grocery cart along behind her. It only slowed her down. "Nathan!" she called. He walked faster. "Nathan!" she tried, louder.

He abandoned his cart and walked toward the exit. Sighing, she brought her cart up to a cash register and watched him walk out. The cash register, a pregnant teen looked at her sympathetically. "You know, love's never easy. I've had my heart broken before."

Haley nodded, trying to be polite. The girl took forever to ring all her items up. "Good luck," she smiled, handing Haley her bags. Haley smiled back as best she could and walked out the sliding doors.

Halfway across the parking lot, a bag ripped open and its contents spilled onto the ground. "S hit!" she muttered, dropping the other bags. A hand reached out and helped her gather up the packages. She looked up. It was Nathan.

He wasn't smiling. His face was eerily void of expression. Her heart started pounding. She hadn't been this close to him in a week. He carried them with her to her car, neither speaking. He helped her load her groceries, then shoved his hands in his pockets and waited while she closed the trunk. She turned to him. "Thanks." He nodded.

Silence overtook them again. She looked into his eyes. "Why'd you help me?"

He shrugged. "You looked like you needed it." She nodded.

She cleared her throat. "Nathan, we should talk."

He looked away. "Haley, unless you're going to apologize, there's no need to."

She shook her head. "You know this is hard for me."

He turned back to her, a fire burning in his eyes. "It doesn't have to be."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm tired of everything always being so damn hard with you, Haley! We can never just be together. There's always something in our way. And that something is you."

"What do you mean, I'm in our way? I know I haven't been good to you, but... that doesn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense. I would've given you anything, Haley and you know it. But you were always resisting us. You never could let yourself be happy."

"You think I don't want to be happy! Because I do. That's all I've ever wanted."

"Well then, stop making it so difficult. You have the power to make yourself happy. You just have to let it happen."

She looked away from him. "What if I don't know how?"

"Just stop holding back! Just let things happen and stop being so f uckin scared all the time!"

"I'm not scared!"

"Yes, you are!" he roared. "And that is the only thing that's kept us apart."

She shook her head. "I don't believe you. It's not true. My past is the only thing that ever kept us apart."

"It's not your past that did this, Haley. It's who you are because of your past. You've become this person who won't let anyone get to close to you. Like maybe, if you keep your distance, you'll be unbreakable. You're so damn fragile."

She could feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes, but she'd promised herself she wouldn't cry. Especially not in front of him. Nathan shook his head. "And I'm tired of waiting for you to fix yourself, Haley. I thought I could be strong enough for both of us, but you just keep tearing me down. And I can't take it anymore."

He started to walk away. She grabbed his arm. "Nathan." He clenched his jaw. She let out one sob, then tried to control herself. "I'm sorry."

He nodded. "I know, but that's not enough."

And then, he was gone again, leaving her alone in a deserted parking lot. Only one tear fell.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haley walked in the door 20 minutes later with only three bags. Andrea and Luke were in the kitchen. Andrea stood up when she came in. "Hey... that's all you got?" Haley nodded, setting them down on the counter and taking a deep breath. "Haley, have you been crying?" Luke immediately looked up, concerned.

She shook her head. "It's no big deal."

He rushed to hug her and Andrea did the same. Lucas looked down at her. "Hales, what happened?"

She laughed bitterly. "Had a little run-in with Nathan at the store."

Andrea crushed Haley to herself. "Oh, Haley baby, I'm so sorry. I'll do all the grocery shopping from now on."

Haley laughed. "It's OK, really. He just told me some things I needed to hear."

Lucas nudged her. "Want me to kick his a ss?"

She smiled at him. "That's OK."

She looked at them both. "Thanks, guys."

Andrea moved to start gathering the food. "You're so welcome. Now, let's get this movie night started. We need to get you thinking about something else. Even if it's a lame teen movie."

Two hours later, they were starting their second movie when Haley's cell phone rang. Andrea picked it up and tossed it to her. She motioned for Luke to follow her and they both went into the kitchen to give Haley a little privacy, in case it was Nathan. She shot them a grateful look. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Peyton. I know about you and Nate."

Haley sighed. "So, you know?"

"Duh, Brooke told me."

Haley laughed. "Yeah, I figured she would."

"So, how you doing? Is it getting any better?"

"Not really, but I'm learning how to deal with it. Truth be told, I brought this on myself. It's been a long time coming."

"You know, I talked to Nathan and he's not doing much better if that helps."

"I wish it would, but I did this to him, Peyt. Me. And that just kills me. I pushed him away so much, that I've finally lost him. And without him... I'm losing myself. I don't know what to do. Nothing feels the same anymore."

"Haley, I'm going to tell you something and I don't ever want you to forget it. You can't be afraid of living."

"I'm not."

"But you are. Listen, my mom, she lived too fast and died too young. When she was here, it was always work, work, work. She never really slowed down to appreciate anything. And she died before she ever got the chance to. Don't be like her, Haley. Don't spend your life wishing you were brave enough to live it."

"Why would you think I would do that, Peyton?"

"Because you haven't lived yet. You've had so many bad experiences and it taught you to be afraid. You're so wary of everything that's going on around you, of anything that might break your heart, you don't realize you're breaking yourself by not letting yourself find out." There was silence on Haley's end for a couple of minutes. "You still there, Hales?"

"Yeah, I'm just... thinking."

"I'm right, Haley. I know I am. Promise me you'll try to do better."

"OK," Haley whispered.

"Good, I gotta go, but you take care of yourself and hold your head up, alright?"

"Yeah, thanks, Peyton."

"You're welcome. Bye."

Then, there was a click and a dial tone and Haley was left thinking about what Peyton had said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Nathan was sitting on his couch, thinking of his earlier encounter with Haley. It had been... strange. To see her for the first time in a week and end up in another fight. This had never happened to them before. Haley had always been the one to leave. And now, it had been his turn. But had he done the right thing?

He knew he had, he just didn't want to accept it. He didn't want to accept that letting her go was the right thing to do.

The doorbell rang and he moved slowly to answer it. Part of him hoped it wasn't Haley. He didn't know if he could deal with their problems right now. But a bigger part of him hoped it was. Just to be able to see her again. He couldn't live without her. It was tearing him up inside.

Swinging the door open, he found Luke on the other side. He was relieved, yet somehow, disappointed. He let him in. "Hey, man." Luke gave him a one armed hug and he reciprocated it. He closed the door behind him.

They both walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch. "Sooooo..." Luke began.

Nathan looked away. He knew what this was about. Luke looked at him. He didn't say anything.

Luke sighed. "Look, man. She's falling apart. She can't do this alone."

Nathan groaned. "What am I supposed to do, Luke? She did this to us. She kept bringing me closer, then pushing me away. And the more I tried to help her, the farther I got pushed."

Lucas sighed again. "I know, I know. What she did to you wasn't fair. I just can't stand to see you guys like this."

Nathan looked at him. "I need to move on. I need to get past this. I just don't know how."

"I wish I could help you, Nate."

"Yeah. I guess it was a bad idea to get involved with her in the first place. I always knew this would end in heartache. She'd just had too much happen to her. We both had too much to lose."

"True, but I never saw either of you happier than when you were together."

Nathan sighed. "You're right. We were never happier. But we were also never more unstable. Maybe things are better this way. It sure makes it a hell of a lot easier."

Luke looked at him incredulously. "This isn't easy Nathan. For you or for her."

Nathan rubbed his temples. "I know, but it has to be. I can't take another break up, Luke. That's why I asked her to marry me. It was either forever or never."

"And I understand. I really do. It's just... do you really want to live the rest of your life like this?"

He shook his head. "No, but I can't live my life waiting for her to decide I'm worth it. It's a waste of time. We both know it won't happen."

000000000000000000000000

I know, sad chapter. And relatively short too. Sorry about that. Don't lose faith in me yet though. I know what I'm doing... well, most of the time anyway. :) lol.

So, if I don't update tonight, I definitely will tomorrow.

Love y'all,

Ash


	9. Chapter 8

Hello all. I'm feeling generous today, so I'm updating and I promise more are on their way. :) Hope that makes you happy. And we all know each chapter brings us closer and closer to break up or make up. Anyway, thank you to **xPROUDBRUNETTEx **for replying. That really made my day. I'm glad you've been reading and loving this story. Don't worry about not replying before. We all get busy. :) Love ya!

So, without further ado, here is the next part.

Chapter 8:

It was a little after midnight. Haley poured herself another glass of wine and continued flipping through channels. She'd tried everything else and it hadn't worked, so she'd decided to try drowning her sorrows in alcohol. She was still fairly sober, only on her second glass, but she was in no rush.

She clicked past an old black and white movie, past a romantic comedy, and finally settled on a slasher movie. It suited her mood.

Her cell phone rang. She checked the caller ID. It was someone she hadn't expected to hear from for awhile. "Hello?" she said softly, not wanting to wake up Luke or Andrea.

"Haley?" she heard his voice say softly. "It's Tim."

She stayed silent for a minute. "Hi, why are you calling? I thought you hated me."

He sighed. "Haley, I will never hate you. I called Nathan and we straightened things out." Still she didn't say anything. He hesitated, then continued. "He told me about you guys."

Haley shut her eyes. "Yeah, I guess you're taking his side."

"I'm not taking anyone's side. I just thought I'd call and say I was sorry to hear it."

"But I don't understand. I thought you'd still be really p issed that we went behind your backs."

"I'm not. I mean, sure it hurt me, but I can't stay mad forever. You guys belong together and I was crazy for thinking I stood a chance."

She felt tears coming to her eyes again. "It's not about you, Tim. You're a great guy and..."

"I know that. Besides, I'm with Michelle now."

She smiled, even though he couldn't see her. "That's great. I'm really happy for you guys. You deserve someone who'll love you like you love them."

He took a second to respond. "So does Nathan."

"Tim..."

"No, Haley, listen. I've seen how much you love him. And I know you're probably dying right now, just like he is. But you're always so... distant. You never let anyone in completely. And it always meant that you couldn't love him like you should've been able to.""

"I still don't think I can."

"But you have to, Haley. Or you're never gonna be happy. I know I'm the one people are always making jokes about, I'm the stupid one. But if there's one thing I know, it's that Nathan is the person you should let in. He always has been. Think about it."

"You're probably right. I just... it's too much to take in right now. Everyone keeps telling me that I don't have to do this alone and that I should try to fix things, but you didn't see the look on Nathan's face. It's really over this time."

"Maybe you're right, Haley. But you'll never know if you don't try."

"I hear you, Tim."

Both were quiet for a few seconds. Then, Haley decided to break it. "So, change of subject. How's your life been?"

"Well, at first, I didn't know if it would get better. But then Michelle..."

An hour later, Haley finally finished talking to Tim and hung up. She looked at the clock. 1:40 AM. She looked at the wine glass in her hand and set it down. She didn't need it anymore.

Haley didn't get much sleep that night, but she woke up feeling more like herself than she had in awhile. Tim was right. She had to either try to fix this or move on. The problem was, she had no idea which to do. She didn't know if she was quite ready to open up her heart to someone again yet. And she didn't know if Nathan was willing to let her anymore.

But before she decided anything, she needed coffee. So, she scribbled a note to Lucas and Andrea and left it on the kitchen counter. Leaving quietly through the front door, she decided to walk. She couldn't remember the last time she'd breathed fresh air for more than five minutes straight.

She inhaled deeply. It felt so good to be out in the open again. It made her feel like she was still a part of the world. Even when she felt like she didn't deserve to be.

She could still remember the Haley James she used to be. And she was still hoping she could return to that one day. Maybe, away from the drama of her relationship with Nathan, she could finally start working on that.

A few minutes later, she found herself in front of Starbucks. Glancing around, she noticed someone sitting on a bench across the street and she froze. It was him. Nathan. He looked so... broken. His face was pale and drawn and he looked exhausted. She wished she had the courage to approach him.

_Well, you're just across the street  
Looks a mile to my feet  
I wanna go to you_

After all this time, she was still nervous, still hesitant to be the one to make the first move. She guessed she always would be.

_Funny how I'm nervous still  
I've always been the easy to kill  
I guess I always will_

With a couple like her and Nathan, questions often were sparked about how they found their way to each other. Was it fate or just coincidence?

_Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance (chance)  
Or only one way that it was always meant to be (be)  
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say (hey hey, hey hey) _

She knew no matter which it was, the right thing for her to do was to just walk away. But somehow, she could never bring herself to leave him completely. Physically, they could be miles apart. But her heart was always with him.

_I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away_

Wherever Haley was, she could always picture Nathan easily. She didn't need a photo to remind her what he looked like. She loved him so much. But that didn't matter. It wasn't enough to make her go to him.

_I can picture your face well  
From the bar in my hotel  
I wish I'd go to you_

Every time she picked up the phone to call him, she would slam it back down seconds later. She couldn't bring herself to do it. And all it left her with was loneliness. And the feeling that she would always be this lonely.

_I pick up put down the phone  
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes  
It's just like being alone_

Across the street, Nathan had seen Haley. Out of the corner of his eye, he'd seen her. He knew she was staring at him. But he refused to acknowledge her.

He didn't want everything they'd been through to not count for anything. He wanted it to mean something now. But it couldn't when she still couldn't own up to her mistakes and deal with the consequences.

_Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain (vain)  
I need answers for what all the waiting after means (means)  
You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes (hey hey, hey hey)_

He knew what he had to do, but he couldn't seem to make himself walk away from her.

_I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away_

He wished she would make this easier on him. He wished she would be the one to walk away from it all. So he could blame it on her. So he didn't have to. But he knew that wasn't fair. They both had so much to regret now and yet still, it didn't seem like it was finished yet.

_So go on love  
Leave while there's still hope for escape  
Gotta take what you can these days  
There's so much ahead  
So much regret_

He watched her now. Watched as she turned and disappeared through the Starbuck's door. It killed him to watch her walk away. He knew she wanted to fix things between them. He knew she wanted to make it better.

_I know what you want to say  
(Know what you want to say)  
I know people can't help feeling differently_

Maybe he should've done what he usually did. Maybe he should've been there for her like he always was, told her he loved her and it was OK. But what would it have meant if she just ended up feeling insecure again?

_I loved you, and I should have said it  
Tell me just what has it ever meant?_

He couldn't help what he felt though. He couldn't help that she'd walked out on him too many times. He couldn't help that he was hurting too much to stop it from happening again.

_I can't help it baby, this is who I am (am)  
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel (feel)_

She'd built him up by making him think they could last so many times. And each time, she'd taken it away. But even after all that, he still couldn't leave her completely.

_You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break (hey hey, hey hey)  
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away_

Inside the coffee shop, Haley had gotten her coffee and was sitting in a window booth, watching Nathan sit and stare at the ground. Why was this so hard?

Then, she saw something that surprised her. Tim walked up and Nathan stood up, slapping hands with him. When had Tim come to New York?

Outside, Nathan saw Tim approaching and smiled, standing to shake his hand and give him a one armed hug. "Hey, man."

"Hey, Nate. Sorry I'm a little late."

"It's OK. Gave me some time to think."

"Let's sit down," Tim suggested, noticing that Nathan looked weak. "So... I talked to Haley."

Nathan looked down at his hands. "Really? What did she say?"

"She thinks she doesn't stand a chance now. She thinks you won't forgive her." Nathan didn't say anything. "Nate, man, she's dying without you."

Nathan's head shot up as he looked at Tim, slightly angry. "What about me! You think this isn't just as hard for me? I mean, Tim, I was always the one who held us together. She just... she could never really give all of herself to anyone. And I thought I could finally get her to do that with me, you know? I guess I was wrong."

Tim sighed. "I hear what you're saying, I just... I know Haley. And she would probably be begging you to take her back right now. She'd probably do her best to let you in. But... you gave up on her man. You were the one person she could count on and you let her down. I know she did a lot to you, but can you imagine how much she's hurting?"

Nathan nodded, looking down again. "I know, but it's so hard. Think of all she put me through. What am I supposed to do if she still can't trust me to love her forever?"

"I guess it's up to her."

"Yeah..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Haley threw away her empty coffee cup and watched Nathan and Tim part ways, saying goodbye and setting off in opposite directions. She knew that they'd probably been talking about. Her. And she knew it probably hadn't been a happy conversation. She sighed. When had things gotten so out of control?

It took her twenty minutes to walk back to Andrea's house, but the cool air helped clear her mind and distract her from the problems that consumed her life now. Walking through the front door, she was met with the sight of Andrea sprawled on the couch, watching TV and Lucas carrying his bags out into the foyer. He dropped the last on the floor and ran a hand through his hair. Haley took a few steps toward him. "Leaving so soon?"

He started and finally noticed her presence. "Yeah. I gotta get back to work. And Brooke."

Haley smiled. "Tell her I said hey."

He held out his arms and she fell into them. "We'll both come visit soon."

"Promise?" she whispered.

He nodded as they released each other. "She can't wait to see you. Neither can Peyton or Jake. We all want to get together some time. Maybe when things..."

Haley raised an eyebrow. "Work themselves out with me and Nathan?" He looked at her sheepishly. She sighed. "Luke, I know you want us to fix this and, believe me, I do too. I'm just not sure it's gonna happen. At least not anytime soon."

Luke threw his hands up in surrender. "Fine. I know when to stop." He gave her another hug. Take care of yourself, Hales. You're gonna be OK."

She smiled. "I know. We all will be."

He nodded. "Alright, I'm gonna go. I'll call you soon."

"Bye, Luke."

He waved and gathered all his bags, vanishing through the front door.

Haley walked into the den and fell on the couch next to Andrea. Andrea smiled at her. "Hey, so, my schedule's free for once. What do you want to do today?"

Haley shrugged. "I don't know. Something fun."

Andrea laughed. "I can definitely do fun."

Haley laughed with her. A few seconds later, her cell phone rang. She groaned, pulling it out of her purse. "What is it with people and calling me lately?"

Andrea shrugged as Haley answered her phone, walking out of the den and down the hall into her bedroom. She sank down on her bed and pulled the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Tutorgirl! Hey!"

Haley smiled. "Hi, Brooke. What do you want?"

"OK, Luke's gone, right?"

"Yeah, why?..."

"Cause, he told me not to call you. He was afraid I would interfere."

Haley laughed. "And you didn't listen."

"Do I ever? But that's beside the point. So, I won't ask you how you're doing, you probably hear that about a million times a day and it's a ridiculous question. But I will say, girl, you are making a mistake!"

"OK, I'll take the bait. What mistake would that be Brooke?"

"Duh! Letting Nathan go. I'm sorry, Haley, but you guys don't do so great without each other. I mean there's you and there's Nathan and when you're not together, it just doesn't work. For anyone."

"Well, what can I say? Yes, I am miserable without him. But I can't just take back what I did."

"No... but you have to try and get him back. Now, I could sit here and tell you, you did the right thing and, in the end, it's best for both of you, but I would be lying. Because you are Haley f uckin James and you belong with Nathan Scott. It's just one of those things that's written in stone."

Haley sighed. "I know. But I don't think I can fix it. For once, I've done something that can't be undone. I've hurt him so much, Brooke. And there's no way for me to take it back. It would take a lifetime to make up for it."

"Then spend your whole life making up for it, Haley! It's worth it for you two to be together and you know it. And damn it! I want two of my best friends happy!"

Haley smiled. "Thanks, Brooke. And I know you're trying to help, but..."

"I'm just making you feel bad. Yeah, I can tell. I'll stop now."

Haley laughed. "See, that's why I love you, Brooke. You can take a hint better than anyone I know."

"I know. It's part of my charm."

They continued to talk and catch up for the next hour. Then, they said goodbye and promised to get together soon. Haley felt a little better as she hung up the phone. She was nowhere near fixing her life yet, but she felt ready to start. And for now, that would have to do.

* * *

So, these chapters still aren't getting quite as long as I'd hoped they would, but at least they're more frequent now, right? Leave me some reviews (you know you want to) and I swear on my grandmother's brother's cousin's second removed best friend's wife's daughter's grave that I'll update again very soon. :) Please excuse the whackiness. I've consumed massive quantities of chocolate in the last 15 hours. I don't think it's good for my health, but it's always good for the soul, right? At least, that's my reasoning. :) lol. 

Hugs and kisses,

Ash


	10. Chapter 9

I decided to live up to my end of the bargain and update again today, maybe for the last time, maybe not... it all depends. :) Thanks to **whazzupp8 **for replying. Really, you're just too kind. lol. I loved your review. And yes, I know I'm scaring all of you, but I guess you'll just have to trust me. Scary thought, right? lol. I get what you're saying about drama... I feel the same way, I don't mind it at all as long as it leads to something good. I guess, in this case, it all just depends on my mood... you might be in trouble. lol. Hope you enjoy this one.

Chapter 9:

After her talk with Brooke, Haley headed back out to the den, taking her seat again next to Andrea. Andrea looked at her. "Who was it?"

"Brooke."

"Oh." Andrea smiled. "I always liked her."

Haley looked at her. "You know, you two have a lot in common."

Andrea nodded. "Yeah, I figured. Well, I hope she knocked some sense into you, seeing as I sure as hell couldn't."

Haley laughed. "Hey, Andrea? Thanks... for everything."

Andrea pulled her into a warm hug. "You're welcome, babe. Anything for my bestest friend."

"So..." Haley started.

Andrea smiled at her. "I'll give you a raincheck on our day of fun. I can tell you've got a lot on your mind. You probably need some time to yourself to think."

Haley stared at her. "Damn! How do you guys do that?"

Andrea tilted her head, confused. "Do what?"

"Tell exactly what I'm thinking."

"Oh, that..." She shrugged. "Call it a gift."

Andrea got up and walked to the door, grabbing her purse and her keys. "So, I'm gonna go out for awhile and leave you with some peace and quiet. Anything I can get you?"

"No thanks!" Haley called. She heard the door open and slam.

She sighed. Finally alone. And now, she had a decision to make. Did she fix things with Nathan or not? She knew it wouldn't be easy, but honestly, she didn't know if she could live with not trying. There had to be a way, right?

But then, she thought of the pain it might cause her. She didn't know if she could handle any more heartache and she couldn't help but think that's all this could bring her.

_Are you gonna  
Live your life wondering  
Standing in the background  
Looking around?_

She thought about what people had been telling her. That she was afraid. She thought about her conversations with Andrea.

Andrea: "I think he'd wait forever for you to realize it's time to stop...being afraid."  
Haley: "What are you saying I'm afraid of?"Andrea: "Think about it, Haley."

Well, she was thinking about it. And she was finally beginning to understand.

Andrea: "I think you were finally going to get your answer as to whether he still wanted to be with you and you got scared. So, you bolted."

Haley: "Is that what I'm supposedly so afraid of?"  
Andrea: "Well, partly, yes. But you're not seeing the big picture here."

She hadn't seen the big picture then, but she was starting to.

_Are you gonna  
Waste your time  
Thinking how you've grown up  
Or how you missed out?_

Nothing in her life would ever be perfect, so what was she waiting for? What was she so afraid of?

Nathan: "Because I've never given you any reason to doubt my love, yet somehow, you do."

_Things are never gonna  
Be the way you want  
Where's it gonna  
Get you acting serious?_

Haley couldn't believe she'd wasted this many years afraid to give herself to anyone. Nathan had given her plenty of opportunities to do just that and she'd shot every single one of them down. He was the closest to perfect she was going to get and she'd let him walk out of her life.

She thought of what he'd said to her. About keeping them from being happy.

Nathan: "I would've given you anything, Haley and you know it. But you were always resisting us. You never could let yourself be happy."

_Things are never gonna  
Be quite what you want  
Or even at 25  
You gotta start sometime_

What was it Nathan had told her to do?

Nathan: "Just stop holding back! Just let things happen and stop being so f uckin scared all the time!"

She wanted so badly to do that. She didn't want to live her life making mistakes and regretting them. There had to be more out there for her than that.

_I'm on my feet  
I'm on the floor  
I'm good to go  
Now all I need is just  
To hear a song I know  
I wanna always feel like  
Part of this was mine  
I wanna fall in love tonight  
_

She needed to do something about what was happening and she needed to do it soon. She needed to stop things from getting any worse if they were ever going to get better.

_Are you gonna  
Live your life  
Standing in the back  
Looking around?  
Are you gonna waste your time?_

Nathan had said some pretty harsh things to her that night at the grocery store. But she knew they were all true. There was one thing that stuck out in her mind...

Nathan: "You've become this person who won't let anyone get too close to you. Like maybe, if you keep your distance, you'll be unbreakable. You're so damn fragile."

And she was. She was fragile. She was too fragile. The smallest thing happened and she just broke down. The first sign of trouble and she would quit. She realized now how much that had contributed to her current situation.

_Gotta make a move  
Or you'll miss out  
Someone's gonna ask you  
What it's all about  
Stick around nostalgia  
Won't let you down_

There had to be something she could do to make things right again. Even if it meant losing Nathan, she had to make sure they both ended up OK.

Out of all the people she'd talked to about her and Nathan's break up in the past few days, the conversation that struck her as most meaningful was the one she'd had with Peyton. Peyton had taught her some pretty damn important things.

_Someone's gonna ask you  
What it's all about  
Whatcha gonna have  
To say for yourself?_

Peyton: "Haley, I'm going to tell you something and I don't ever want you to forget it. You can't be afraid of living."

It was true. She had to stop being afraid of life. She was only hurting herself.

Peyton: "You're so wary of everything that's going on around you, of anything that might break your heart, you don't realize you're breaking yourself by not letting yourself find out."

_Crimson and clover  
Over and over  
Crimson and clover  
Over and over  
Our house in the  
Middle of the street  
Why did we ever meet?  
_

And mostly, she remembered the thing Peyton had said after reminding Haley about her mom.

Peyton: "Don't spend your life wishing you were brave enough to live it."

If there was one thing Haley wasn't, it was brave. Especially when it came to life. But the old Haley James would've been.

_Started my rock 'n roll fantasy  
Don't don't, don't let's start  
Why did we ever part?  
Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart_

Tim: "You're always so... distant. You never let anyone in completely. And it always meant that you couldn't love him like you should've been able to."

Tim was right. She hadn't ever been able to love Nathan like he deserved. Something had always held her back. She'd just been too blind to see it.

Tim had really surprised her that night. He'd never been one to give good advice, but it seemed that everyone had something useful to say when it came to her and Nathan. She still remembered every word of their conversation. She hoped she always would.

Tim: "If there's one thing I know, it's that Nathan is the person you should let in. He always has been. Think about it."

She'd thought about it. And she'd realized he was right.

_I'm on my feet  
I'm on the floor I'm good to go  
So come on Davey  
Sing me something  
That I know_

And Brooke. Who could ever forget what Brooke had said to her?

Brooke: "Because you are Haley f uckin James and you belong with Nathan Scott. It's just one of those things that's written in stone."

_I wanna always feel like  
Part of this was mine  
I wanna fall in love tonight_

Brooke: "Then spend your whole life making up for it, Haley! It's worth it for you two to be together and you know it."

And it was worth it. She was just surprised it had taken her so long to figure that out.

_Here tonight I wanna always feel like  
Part of this was mine  
I wanna fall in love tonight_

Lucas had given her some advice that she figured it was time to take.

Lucas: "I'm just saying, Hales. You never gave him a chance to prove himself before. Maybe it's time you did."

She was in love. And she was ready to give him her heart. If only he would accept it. She had to do something and it had to be quick... before she lost him for good. She picked up her cell phone and dialed a familiar number. "Hello?"

"Lucas?"

"Yeah, Haley?"

"Yeah, it's me, listen, you're not on the plane yet, are you?"

"No... why?"

"Don't get on. I need you to stay a little longer. And I need you to bring Nathan somewhere for me."

"Haley... Nathan was planning on leaving today. He was flying back out to California."

"Well then, stop him. I'm sure his plane hasn't left yet either."

"What's this all about?"

She sighed and paused for a minute. "I decided it's time to be the brave one."

"OK...whatever that means."

She sighed again. "Look, Luke, could you just please do this for me? I promise, I'll do my best to make it worth it."

He finally agreed and she gave him directions. After hanging up, she grabbed her coat and ran out the door to catch a cab. She didn't have much time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Fifteen minutes later, she was backstage pacing and nervous as hell. It was the same bar she'd discovered the night she and Nathan had broken up. She'd noticed they held Karaoke there. Lucas said he would text her when they got there. She just had to make sure she didn't go on until then.

There was only one act left before her and they were almost finished. "Come on," she muttered. "Where are you?"

Suddenly, her phone beeped and she jumped. Calming down, she flipped it open and read the message. They were about to walk inside. Perfect timing.

The young girl on stage finished and whispered "Thank you," into the microphone, quickly running back off the stage.

The announcer walked on. His voice boomed. "And next, please welcome Miss Haley James."

She took a deep breath. This was it. She walked out, slightly uncomfortable to be under the spotlight. She breathed in deeply, reminding herself that this was for him. She approached the microphone and sat on the stool in front of it. Leaning forward, she spoke in a soft voice. "I'd like to dedicate this song to the love of my life. His name's Nathan. And I really screwed up with him. I didn't really see what I was doing until it was too late. Without meaning to, I pushed him away and I might have lost him. So, Nathan, if you're listening, this song sort of describes how I feel about you." By now, the room had gone deathly silent.

She knew he was there. She could always sense his presence when they were in the same room. But she didn't dare look for him. She didn't want to see his reaction if it was a bad one.

So, she cleared her throat and began to sing. It was a clear, slow song and her voice sounded beautiful. It soared with the highs and sank smoothly with the lows. And she'd never felt more alive.

_I set out on a narrow way many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign  
Pointed straight to you_

_That every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart; they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true; that God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

_I think about the years I spent just passing through  
I'd like to take the time I lost and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there; you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan  
That is coming true_

_That every long lost dream led me to where you are  
Others who broke my heart; they were like northern stars  
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms  
This much I know is true; that God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

_Now, just roll on home  
Into my loving arms_

_This much I know is true  
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you..._

_Yes, God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

There was complete and total silence when she finished and she began to worry. But she heard one person clapping and she knew in her heart, it was Luke. She smiled as others began applauding her as well. Soon, the whole room was on their feet, cheering and whistling. When they finally settled down, she decided to say one last thing. "Thank you, guys. And Nathan, I'm so sorry. I know I hurt you, a lot. And I know I can't just take it back. But I'm trying. And I'm ready to give you my heart if you'll still take it. I hope you can forgive me."

Then, she walked off the stage, feeling more free than she had in 10 years. It was all up to him now.

* * *

I know, I'm horrible. The climax of the story and I leave you hanging. Possibly the biggest cliffhanger of my career... I'm just trying to give you all heart attacks. lol. Just kidding. I may update again today if time allows it. We'll see... 

Love you all,

Hugs and kisses,

Ash


	11. Chapter 10

Hey everyone. So, I decided leaving you hanging like that was just too cruel... even for me. lol. Yes, that's right. You guys are just so lucky. I'm updating once again. Sadly, this is the next to last update. This and the epilogue and I'm done. :( But thank you to everybody who reviewed. You guys really are awesome:

**daddyzangel108: **Hey! I was so happy to hear from you. And to get such a great reply to my story. :) But anyway, how have you been? I understand about the computer screwing up and everything. Well, I'm sorry to hear you lost your long review, but any review from you is great. :) Yes, I completely agree, Nathan and Haley belong together, whether it's onscreen or just in a fanfic. There's no disputing that fact. I will believe it until the day I die. I will take it to my grave. Though that's really not the context that's supposed to be used in... but oh well, now it is, right? lol. Well, you're a fan of quite a few couples there, aren't you? Don't worry, I understand differing opinions... I've had some myself quite a few times with different shows; different couples. But the important thing is you know what you like, right? Glad to hear you don't think I'm wacky. We're so alike, you and I. lol. And thank you for leaving two reviews. It was really sweet of you. Yes, I think I do recall you promising not to sue me. Really, it's a shame after all these heart attacks I've been giving you... lol. Well, I hope you're happy with the update. Love you girl!

**NaLeYBaBiixo: **Thank you so so much for your enthusiastic reply. I was so ecstatic to hear this is your favorite story of all time! It's one of the best things you could ever say to me. Do you have a best friend? Because I'm about to replace them... lol. Just kidding. Glad you were so anxious for me to update. It shows you care. :)

**whazzupp8:** As always, I knew I could count on you for a good review. Yes, I know, too much suspense is just too much, but I just never know when to stop... the lines are just kinda blurry... maybe you could clear it up for me?... lol. Silver linings... I like those... you better hope I like them enough. :) lol. I'm just messing with you. Like I said, so much fun. :) Glad I could please you and that you thought the update was awesome. When are they ever not, right? lol. Just kidding. You wished for an update, here it is. Don't you just love how I can make your day? lol. I'm usually not this arrogant, I swear, it's those painkillers talking... I knew I shouldn't have taken so many. lol. Just kidding. Ok, I think I've cracked enough jokes tonight. You probably think I'm cracking something else too, right? Sorry, sorry, last one I swear. Anyway, thanks so much for leaving another great reply. Do I even have to say it? You know I love ya!

Chapter 10:

Haley waited backstage for what seemed like an eternity. She checked her watch. It had been four minutes. She was beginning to worry. Lucas came back first. He pulled her into a hug. "You did great, Hales. And don't worry too much about Nathan. I have faith in you guys."

Haley smiled at him. "Thanks, Luke."

He grinned. "Now, I'm gonna go get a drink and I'll talk to you more in a few minutes, OK?"

She nodded and watched him walk off again. Taking deep breaths, she began pacing again. Maybe it hadn't been such a smart idea to do this. What if it wasn't enough? She'd done what she could, but it still seemed inferior somehow. She heard approaching footsteps and she knew it was him. She turned around slowly. And there he was.

He looked only slightly better. Still shaken, but the color had come back to his skin and he looked a little more rested. She gave him a hesitant smile. He returned it faintly. "So..." he started. "I hear you've had an epiphany."

She nodded. "I just realized what was important."

He looked away and let out a frustrated breath. "Well, this is awkward. Listen, Haley, I said some pretty bad things to you..."

She shook her head, stopping him. "No, it was true. Every word of it was. Nathan, you were right. I have to learn to stop being afraid."

He looked into her eyes for the first time that night and saw the determination there. "What makes you think you can?"

She shrugged. "I've been talking to some people and they helped me see my mistake."

He sighed and rubbed his temples. "Yeah, but, I mean, after all these years of holding back and hurting our relationship, now you're suddenly willing to try? It doesn't make sense."

She looked down at the ground, not able to meet his eyes anymore. "Look, I know I hurt you so much. And I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted anything to do with me again... but I know I'll never be happy without you, Nathan. And I understand that it's hard to believe, but I'm ready to do whatever I have to, to get you back. I love you and I'm willing to take that risk if you are."

Nathan tried to catch her eye, but she wouldn't look up. "Haley, are you sure you're prepared to do this? You're going to have to learn to trust me. I will always love you, but you have to stop being scared."

She nodded, still looking down. "I know that."

"Haley, look me in the eyes and tell me you're ready to give yourself to me. And not just part of you, all of you. Because I want to be with you. But I can't until you're ready."

She brought her gaze from the ground to his eyes. And got lost in them. She smiled. She was ready. "Nathan, I love you. And I'm giving you my heart. I promise I will always let you in." She held out her hand and her voice shook as tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. "So... can we start over? Again?"

He took a few seconds to think. He could spend the rest of his life protecting his heart and always wondering about what could've happened. Or he could take another chance on Haley and get the fairytale ending. What was there to think about? She was the love of his life... and he would never let her go. He reached out and took her hand. She smiled as a few tears trickled down her cheeks. "Don't cry, Haley."

Her free hand caressed his cheek. "They're happy tears." He smiled, realizing he was happy too and brought her into his arms, kissing the life out of her.

He never wanted to stop. He finally had her back and he was going to take advantage of it. He let his tongue gently explore her mouth, getting reacquainted. Her hands threaded through his hair, bringing him closer.

Behind them, someone cleared their throat. They broke apart slowly, staring into each other's eyes. The person cleared their throat again and Haley looked to her left. It was Lucas. She smiled and left Nathan's arms to give him another hug. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear. He nodded.

Haley returned to Nathan and he gave her another quick kiss. Luke grinned, watching the two. "So, I'm assuming you're back together?"

Nathan smiled, nodding. Haley got comfortable in his arms, gazing up at him. "For good this time," she added.

Luke whipped out his cell phone and handed it to Haley. "You better call Brooke and tell her. She'll kill you if she's not first to know."

All three laughed...

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Lying here with you  
Listening to the rain  
Smile just to see the smile upon your face_

Andrea's house was warm and full. She and Haley were entertaining 11 guests. Everyone was lounging around in the living room, beers in hand. Nathan sat on the floor with Haley between his legs. One arm was around her waist, the other held his drink. Lucas and Brooke sat nearby, in practically the same position. Jake and Peyton were sitting together comfortably in one of the two armchairs. Andrea and Alex took up the other one. Tim and Michelle shared the couch with Sam and Rebecca and Steve sprawled on the love seat, the only one without a significant other. But, as always, he didn't mind.

(A/N: for those of you who never read the prequel to this story: Andrea, Alex, Sam, Rebecca, and Steve are Haley's best friends from college. Michelle is Nathan's ex girlfriend, who is now Tim's girlfriend.)

Haley looked around at the people surrounding her and smiled. It was times like these that reminded her what life was all about.

_These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life_

Laughing with everyone else at something Andrea had said, she felt warm and safe. She felt happy. The fun she was having with the people she was with right now made her heart ache with love. She cared about everyone in this room so much. She wouldn't have made it to this point without them.

_I've found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more_

It wasn't long before the group started retiring. There were three guest rooms and Andrea had kindly offered up her room to Nathan and Haley. She winked suggestively at them. "I'll wash the sheets tomorrow."

First to go back was Lucas and Brooke. Next, Sam and Rebecca said goodnight to everyone and walked in the opposite direction to their room. Tim and Michelle followed soon after and Steve lay on the couch they'd vacated. Peyton and Jake drifted off one after the other in the arm chair they were in and Andrea and Alex pulled out a sleeping bag and got situated on the floor.

Nathan grinned and got up, reaching a hand down to pull Haley to her feet. He lifted her into the air and carried her slowly back to the master bedroom. She giggled softly as he shoved the door open and carried her in. He set her on the bed and lay down next to her. Looking in her eyes, he smiled. "I love you, Haley James."

"I love you, Nathan Scott."

_Looking in your eyes  
Seeing all I need  
Everything you are is everything in me_

They came together for a sweet kiss. Breaking away gently, Nathan gazed at her lovingly. "Thank you, Haley."

Her brows furrowed in confusion. "For what?"

"For giving yourself to me. And for making me happier than I've ever been before."

_These are the moments  
I know heaven must exist  
And these are the moments  
I know all I need is this_

She kissed him passionately. "And thank you. For showing me how to be myself."

He shook his head. "I didn't do that. You did that all on your own."

She put a finger to his lips. "No, Nathan, you reminded me of the person I used to be. You know, the Haley James you were best friends with all those years ago. And you helped me become her again."

He stroked her hair. "You were always Haley James. You just lost sight of that for awhile."

_I've found all I've waited for, yeah  
And I could not ask for more_

They kissed again and Nathan moved on top of Haley. His hand traveled down her side and under the hem of her shirt, sliding up her stomach, feeling the soft, smooth skin there. "I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too," she murmured against his lips, lifting his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor.

_I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
And every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I've had's come true_

After they made love, they lay awake for a long while, just holding each other and enjoying the feeling of being together again. Haley looked at the clock. 3:36 AM. Why did it seem the best and worst moments of her life all happened sometime near dawn?

She gave Nathan a long kiss. "I'll never be selfish again."

He laughed. "Better be careful making a promise like that."

She gave him a serious look. "I mean it."

He smiled. "Does this mean I can have my way with you whenever I want?"

She cracked a smile at that. "You already could."

_Yeah, right here in this moment  
Is right where I'm meant to be  
Here with you here with me  
Yeah_

There was a soft knock on their door. "Just a second," Haley whispered. Reaching down, she grabbed Nathan's boxers and gave them to him. As he put them on and grabbed his shirt, she hurriedly got dressed in a cami and flannel pajama pants. When they were both decent, she pulled the door open to find Brooke standing there.

Brooke smiled. "Hi, come out to the backyard. And bring Tim, would you?" Haley nodded and the two girls hugged. "I missed you."

"Yeah, I missed you too," Haley whispered.

Brooke disappeared down the hall and Haley looked back to find Nathan already next to her. "What was that about?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Let's go find out."

Grabbing his hand, she led him down the hall to Tim and Michelle's room and opened the door as quietly as possible. It creaked slightly and she grimaced, gliding across the floorboards to the bed. She shook Tim's shoulder. He groaned and turned to her. His voice groggy and low, he muttered, "What the hell do you want?"

She held a finger over her mouth and whispered, "Shh... Brooke wants us all outside."

He rubbed his eyes. "Haley?"

"Yes, now come on."

She waited while he got out of bed and they left the room together. Nathan was standing outside the door. He took Haley's hand in his and, together, the threesome made their way outside silently, trying not to wake anyone else. As they all went through the back door, Haley stopped for a moment, captivated as she always was, by her surroundings. From her time spent in New York, she knew it was a very rare experience, next to impossible in fact, to find a house in this city that actually had a backyard. How Andrea had managed to get one of the few that did was beyond her. But Andrea always did have a way of appreciating the simple things and Haley had no doubt that, however she did it, she'd done it on purpose.

Haley and Tim linked arms as they walked with Nathan to where the others were gathered in a circle. There were three empty spaces for them. Haley felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the people that surrounded her as she sat next to Nathan. They'd been her best friends and they'd helped her through so much. She loved everyone that had been left inside, but the people she was with now were her family. They had been for years now. They were a part of her. And she'd take them wherever she went.

_These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life_

In the beginning, it had been the seven who sat, sharing each other's company now, and it would be the same seven who moved on with their lives together.

Brooke produced two bottles of champagne with a flourish and laughed happily as she popped one open. Pouring each person a glass, she passed them around until everyone had one. Raising her own glass, her eyes glittered as she spoke. "I propose a toast. To who we are now and who we're going to be."

She nudged Lucas and he smiled, humoring her. "To the way it was and hopefully will always be."

He turned to Peyton and she rolled her eyes. "Do I really have to say something?" Everyone laughed. Typical Peyton. Trying to lighten the mood. Brooke nodded at her and she smiled. "To the love we've all found in each other."

She clinked her glass with Jake's, who cleared his throat. "To the friendship we spent years building."

Everyone's eyes were on Tim now. No one knew what to expect from him. Would he ruin the moment with one of his jokes? But he surprised them all. "To everything we've helped each other through and all the memories we've made." Brooke smiled warmly at him.

Nathan looked down at Haley and kissed the top of her head. "To the people we used to be."

Haley smiled, tearing up again. She knew that was meant for her. As did everyone else. All eyes were on her as they waited for her to add something. She smiled. "And to the rest of our lives." She looked around at everyone. "Together."

Everyone clinked glasses and it was silent for a moment as they all sipped their drinks.

_I've found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more_

Brooke looked around at everyone, grinning mischievously. "So, who's up for a game of truth or dare?"

Lucas groaned. "Don't you think that's a little juvenile, honey?"

Tim was quick to agree. "Yeah, that was so high school." Brooke glared at both of them.

Jake spoke up hesitantly. "I hate to burst your bubble, Brooke, but they're right."

Nathan looked up from his drink. "Yeah, I mean, we're adults now. We've been through so much more and it just seems..." he trailed off as she looked at him menacingly. "Childish?..." he finished off weakly.

Haley slid over to sit next to Brooke. "I think it's a great idea."

Peyton moved to join them. "Yeah, me too."

Brooke grinned and linked arms with both of them. She looked pleadingly at the boys. "Come on, don't you ever want to just let loose and be a kid again? I know you can't ever go back, but you can at least pretend."

Haley pouted at them. "Don't you remember what it was like? Not having a care in the world?"

Peyton nodded. "Yeah, don't you want to have some fun? This might be our last chance to reinvent our childhoods."

Nathan sighed and moved to sit next to Haley. "I wouldn't go that far, Peyt."

Jake groaned and followed, sitting beside Peyton. "Yeah, maybe just celebrating it."

Luke gave a wistful glance back at Tim standing alone as he moved behind Brooke and put his legs on either side of her. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to honor it."

Tim stamped his foot. "You guys, come on! This isn't fair. What happened to pals over gals?" Everyone burst out laughing and Tim, grumbling good-naturedly, sat back down.

Brooke smiled widely. "OK, who wants to start?"

_I could not ask for more than this time together  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
And every prayer has been answered  
Every dream I've had's come true_

The game lasted for over an hour as they all messed around and had fun. It had been a long time since they'd done anything like this. Finally, Haley collapsed on the ground laughing. Brooke fell next to her and Peyton on her other side. "Don't you miss it?" Brooke asked.

Haley turned to look at her. "Miss what?"

Brooke sighed. "Being a kid. Not having any responsibility."

Haley looked up at the stars in the sky. "Yeah. Best years of my life."

Peyton gazed at the stars with them. "We were so naive then..."

Haley finished her sentence for her. "It was like nothing could touch us."

"Exactly."

Haley frowned slightly. "We were wrong. So much happened... to all of us."

Brooke nudged her and smiled. "And yet here we are, still together. Who would've known way back when that you guys would be my best friends?"

Haley laughed. "Yeah, I never would've thought I'd be friends with Brooke the bitch."

Brooke's mouth dropped open. "Oh, you are so dead!"

Haley jumped to her feet and ran off shrieking, Brooke hot on her heels.

_Yeah, right here in this moment  
Is right where I'm meant to be  
Oh, here with you here with me_

It was six in the morning and dawn was fast approaching. The group sat huddled together, watching in awe as the sun slowly peaked its head over the horizon. Brooke sighed wistfully. "Have you ever seen a sunrise more beautiful?"

Peyton smiled at her. "Not with you guys."

Haley was wrapped in Nathan's arms. She didn't say a word, mesmerized by the beauty of the sight before her. Streaks of light shot across the sky as day began breaking.

Ten minutes later, Brooke and Lucas stood up. Brooke helped Haley to her feet, who in turn helped Peyton to her feet. Jake, Nathan, and Tim stood on their own. Silently, they all went back into the house and parted ways, going back to their respective sleeping places. They didn't want to say anything, for fear of breaking the trance. The sight of the sun rising over a new day was indeed spellbinding. There was no one Haley would've rather shared it with.

_No, I could not ask for more  
Than this love you gave me  
Cause it's all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more  
No, yeah_

She and Nathan quietly reentered their room and moved to the bed. Nathan sat on it, smoothly pulling Haley against him and laying them down. She rested her head on his chest and felt his arms come around her waist. She wanted to feel like this forever.

Haley had come to a decision earlier about something she wanted to do. But she was scared. And she knew it was wrong to be scared yet again. She knew that. But this time, she honestly couldn't help it. It might be too soon. He might reject her. What if she ended up pushing him away?

She took a deep breath and exhaled all her doubts. "Nathan?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I love you. I really, really love you."

He looked slightly confused. "I love you too."

"No, I mean, I love you so much that it hurts when you're not around. I never want us to be apart again. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together."

He took in a shaky breath. He didn't want to have too much hope. He never could give up on her, he never stopped hoping, and that's what always got him hurt. "What are you trying to say, Hales?"

She looked up and into his eyes. And she knew she could do this. "You asked me if I would marry you, Nathan, and I rejected you. I am so sorry. I was wrong to do that and I only hope you've forgiven me."

He nodded. "I have."

She released a breath of relief. "Good. Now, I know it may be too soon, but I don't want to wait anymore to do this. I don't have a ring to give you, but I'm putting my heart on the line here. Nathan, will you marry me?"

He stayed still for awhile, not daring to move, or even breathe. This wasn't happening. It was like a dream come true. Maybe he'd imagined it. "Say that again," he murmured.

"Will you marry me?"

He brought her to him for a long, passionate kiss. He slowly broke away. "Of course I will."

_No, I could not ask for more_

* * *

I hope this chapter makes many of you happy. I'm sure it will. See? You just have to trust me. :)

Well, every story has an end and this story is reaching its final update. The epilogue will be posted sometime tomorrow and then, I'll officially be done. sighs My first series... finished. Sounds so final, doesn't it? Well, there will always be more stories to write. :) Anyway, I'll stop with my pity party. Look for the last chapter tomorrow.

Love you all,

Ashley


	12. Epilogue

Hey everyone! So sorry I waited so long to post this. Things picked up a little. But I figured it's New Years and you guys definitely deserve the last chapter. Sorry I don't have time to do personal thank yous at the moment, but I wanted to get this done while I have a second before I get completely wasted. Haha. Just kidding. Well, sort of. :)

Just know that I love you all and I really really love you for leaving such great feedback. And to those of you who have stuck with me through everything, I'll never forget you!

P.S. Everyone, if you're interested, keep a lookout for my ficlet It Didn't Mean Anything which I should start posting in the next week or two. :)

Epilogue:

Eight months later

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Nathan took Haley in his arms and kissed her. He kissed her long and hard, as though he would never stop. Finally, Lucas coughed, tapping him on the shoulder. "Save it for tonight, little brother."

But Nathan hardly heard him. He stared into Haley's eyes and smiled. "We did it."

She smiled back. "Does it feel good?"

He smirked playfully. "Not as good as tonight will."

She laughed. "Well, that's the best part, right?"

He nodded and took her hand, leading her down the aisle, toward the car outside that would take them to the reception. They walked out and Haley gasped at the sight in front of her. It was a horse drawn carriage. She looked at him, tears shining in her eyes. "How did you...?"

He gave her a quick kiss. "You always said you wanted to try it."

She pulled him in for a longer, deeper kiss. "Thank you," she whispered.

He caught the tear as it rolled down her cheek and grinned. "Does this mean I'm getting lucky?"

She smirked. "It'll be one hell of a honeymoon."

He grunted, hoisting her up and tossing her gently into the carriage, taking a seat next to her. "Then what are we waiting for?"

She laughed as they drove off.

There were hundreds of people at the reception. So many people had flown in from around the world to come to the wedding. The cake had been cut, the guests greeted and thanked, and the dancing was beginning. Nathan stood on the sidelines and watched as Haley danced with her father. Both had been surprised when her parents showed up. Neither had expected it. Things were a little tense, but they were making the best of it. Looking out at her now, Nathan knew it meant a lot to her that they had come. Though she resented them, they were still her parents. And she wanted them there on her wedding day.

Lucas approached and stood next to him, following his gaze out to Haley. "Feeling good?"

Nathan grinned at him. "Feeling great."

Lucas nodded. "Figured as much. Now, listen, you're my little brother and one of my best friends, but Haley's like a sister to me. Don't break her heart. She's happy with you and, far as I can tell, you're happy with her. Just don't ruin it... and don't let her either."

Nathan agreed. He knew what Luke meant.

Jake and Tim walked up. Tim clapped Nathan on the shoulder. "Congratulations, man."

Nathan smiled. "Thanks."

Jake shook his head. "Never thought I'd see the day... Nathan Scott actually settling down. It's a miracle if I ever saw one."

Tim grinned. "Yeah, what happened to the player we all used to love?"

Nathan looked at them all and broke out in a smile. "He found something better."

Tim nodded, accepting his answer. They all watched as the song ended and Brooke, Peyton, and Michelle all rushed out to join Haley on the dance floor. Rebecca and Andrea quickly followed.

Lucas looked around at all his buddies' faces. "Should we go get our women?"

They all moved out to the dance floor and paired up with their other halves.

Haley smiled and melted into Nathan's arms. She couldn't ever remember being so happy.

She looked around at all the smiling faces. She never thought she'd get to this point. To the point where everything was so close to perfect, nothing was bothering her. She didn't have a care in the world. And it was all thanks to the man standing in front of her.

She was Haley James. And for the first time since the disaster that was the Skulls, she believed it. She felt like herself and no one would ever change that again.

Throughout the entire celebration, people came up to congratulate the two newlyweds. Haley pulled away from her hug with Karen to find Whitey talking to Nathan next to her. She smiled and hugged the old man. "Thanks for coming. Wouldn't have been the same without you."

Whitey let out a chuckle. "Not too sure about that."

Nathan clapped him on the back. "Come on, you know you're a part of the family, Coach."

Whitey smiled a genuine smile. "Thanks, Nathan. It really means a lot." He glanced at Haley, then back at Nathan. "You take care of her, son."

"Oh, I will, coach."

Whitey turned to Haley. "And you be good to him."

Haley grinned. "Count on it."

Brooke came bounding up. "I have to give you another hug, Tutorgirl."

Haley rolled her eyes. "Still holding on to that nickname, Tigger?"

Brooke grinned. "You'll always be tutorgirl."

Haley hugged her. They pulled apart and Brooke smiled, backing off. "I think the camera guy's ready to take pictures."

Haley spotted him weaving through the crowd. Brooke was right. Camera guy walked up to Haley and Nathan. "I'd like to go ahead and take the shots now, if you guys don't mind."

Haley smiled warmly at him. "No, not at all."

He began setting up and she and Nathan stood ready, arms around each other. But just before he took the picture, Haley held up a finger. "One second. Do you mind if we take one with family first?"

The guy smiled. "Go ahead."

Haley quickly pulled the people closest to her out of the crowd. Deb, Dan, Karen, Keith, Whitey, her parents, Brooke, Peyton, Lucas, Jake, Tim, Michelle, Andrea, Rebecca, Sam, Steve, and Alex all crowded around her and Nathan.

The camera guy looked skeptical. "Family only, miss."

"They are my family." When he still looked unconvinced, she added, "All of them."

Reluctantly, he took the picture.

Haley watched as they all faded back into the crowd, but she wasn't scared to let them go. She knew she wasn't really letting them go, she would hold on to them forever.

Perhaps that's the beauty of it all. We choose to hold on to certain events, people, and things in our lives for certain amounts of time. There is neither rhyme nor reason to it, but when we let go makes all the difference. Learning to let go of what's wrong and learning to hold on to the people who matter, is what brings us to the point where we can proudly say happily ever after.

Or maybe it's not really about getting to that point. Maybe it's not really about happily ever afters. It's more about being able to say 'This is my life and I did what I could with it.' And in the end, that's what counts.

As Haley looked up at Nathan, he smiled down at her. They posed for their wedding picture and Haley knew she'd gotten her life back. And for better or worse, she'd do what she could with it.

_These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive  
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life  
I've found all I've waited for  
And I could not ask for more_

* * *

Love you all and I hope you've enjoyed this series as much as I've enjoyed writing it for you. We did it! It's done.

Everyone have a Happy New Year!

Get crazy and do whatever you want because, let's face it, no one will remember it tomorrow. lol.

I hope you're all extremely blessed in 2006 and, if we don't keep in touch, have an awesome life. You all deserve it.

If anyone ever wants to talk to me, feel free to email me at othroxnhs3sc. (I know it's confusing; my little sister made it up haha).

Love y'all,

Ashley


End file.
